Old West Tales - Ku - ba - say?

For an introduction to Old West Tales, click here: Old West Tales - Introduction

Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a Psyclone Ranger
Everyone

(From Turning Japanese by The Vapours)

Rich loved Japan. He always talked about Japan.

Rich planned to travel to Japan.

My theory was that Rich thought he would somehow be cool and accepted in Japan, maybe based on his stealth.

According to Rich, the Japanese were fascinated by certain American things that could be sold in Japan at a great profit. Rich's plan was to fill a 57 Chevy with grapefruit, pack a suitcase full of blue jeans, and go to Japan.

Rich was taking a Japanese class and he would practice his Japanese by listening to tapes on a walkman. I never heard the tapes, but Rich would walk around listening to them and praticing his Japanese. The entire semester he seemed to only practice one word...

"Ku - ba - say".

He would repeat the word over and over while listening to his tapes, "Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say"

Again, this time putting varying emphasis on the 3 syllables. "Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say"

"Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say"

It was late one night in Old West. Vic and I were up doing something and Rich was practicing "Kubasay" with his tapes. Mike Bell, one of our physically imposing suitemates (discussed here(link), came stumbling up the steps, wasted. Bell had been drinking all night at some frat function. Bell saw that our door was open and came into the room looking for Rich to pick on, obviously still high on some sort of hazing buzz.

Rich was sitting at a desk practicing,

"Ku - ba - say",

Bell walked over to Rich and leaned over him, menacingly.

"Ku - ba - say"

Rich was ignoring Bell with his eyes closed,

"Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say",

"Rich!, Rich!"

"Ku - ba - say", As if he couldn't hear.

Bell noticed that we were laughing,

"Ku - ba - say",

"Rich, why are you such a pussy?"

"Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say"

The entire time, Bell looming over Rich,

Rich, Rich, You're a pussy.

"Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say".

It was as if the word brought him comfort and made him feel safe.

"Ku - ba - say",

"Why are you a pussy Rich?"

"Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say"

If Rich said the word, just right, maybe Rich would be magically transported back to feudal Japan.

"Ku - ba - say",

"Why are you such a fucking pussy Rich"

"Ku - ba - say",

If Rich uttered the elusive, Perfect Kubasay, would a Samuri Warrior drop from the sky and lop off Bell's head?

"Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say", Ku - ba - say" ...

I never did find out how Rich did on his Japanese exams.