I Caught This Sheepshead Today

James Brown - Popcorn, 1968

A truely great South Carolinian died this week. The "Godfather of Soul" taught Michael Jackson to dance and taught us all how to get up on the down stroke. Like Elvis, Jb is best remembered young and thin.

Late Christmas Present

I got a late Christmas present today.

I know what you are thinking...

... I am going to say that my late present was USC's bowl win against Houston.

Although the bowl win is big and I am happy about it, there is something else that I got today that brings evern more pleasure than South Carolina winning the bowl game...

Girl Role Models - Heather Mitts

Heather Mitts of the USA Womens Soccer Team has an NCAA National Championship,

Heather Mitts has an Olympic Gold Medal,

Heather Mitts just scored an endorsement deal with a national sportswear company (link).

Here is a link to her website (link).

Oh yeah, she is also easy on the eyes.

The Reason for This Post...

I love Christmas, but I am glad that it is over.

There is one thing that bugs me sooo much about Christmas that it almost makes the holiday unbearable.

I don't know why it bothers me so much, but there is a stupid little saying that I hear every year that makes me want to choke a reindeer.

People think it is cute and catchy, it's not.

I hate to even type it ...

The Reason For The Season

X-Mas Card Reject Photo

This cute photo did not quite make this year's X-mas Card.

A Seasonal Unitarian Greeting

My parents are UU's, and I grew up going to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Columbia. The following is not far off:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

Worst Supergroup Ever - TRON

Do You remember the very bad 80's Disney Movie, Tron, where Jeff Bridges gets sucked into a computer.

Do you remember the 2 Tron arcade video games?

Do you remember the 80's supergroup Tron?

Bonnie Tyler had just released her most successful 80's single and video, Total Eclipse of The Heart, when she fired her band and decided to form a Supergroup with her two best friends Andrew Ridgley (of Wham) and John Oates (of Hall & Oates). The entire band The News dumped Huey Lewis and joined up immediately when Bonnie called.

Thus,

Tyler, Bonnie
Ridgley, Andrew
Oates, John and
News, The

was born.

Does anyone remember what Tron's only hit was?

Rankin/Bass Rock X-mas - Narrator Look-Alikes

The best Rankin Bass Christmas Specials are narrated by characters who look like the actor that voices the character.

For instance, Frosty The Snowman is narrated by a Jimmy Durante look alike and some later Frosty Special by a Andy Griffith look alike.

Does that sound confusing? Let me show you what I mean.

Rudolph is narrated by Sam The Snowman, who looks like, and is voiced by, Burl Ives.

Santa Clause is Coming to Town is narrated by S.D. (Special Delivery) Kruger, who looks like, and is voiced by, Fred Astaire.

This tradition continued last Christmas with a Harry Connick Jr. look-alike character narrating The Happy Elf. (although The Happy Elf is not Rankin/Bass Special)

Night Before Christmas, Law-speak-ized

Whereas, on or about the evening and/or night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain parcel of improved real property (hereinafter "the House"), a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse, a.k.a Rattus norvegicus. A variety of foot apparel that of or resembling stockings, socks or the like, had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House (but not becoming fixtures thereof) in the hope and/or belief whereupon St. Nick, a.k.a. St. Nicholas, a.k.a. Kris Kringle, a.k.a. Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e., the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon, the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of the appropriate sleepwear including head coverings, including but not limited to a kerchief and a cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance. On or about that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonderment and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer.

The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and, in fact, was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction, and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (hereinafter, both individually and collectively, "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional previously unnamed co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have similarly participated in the transportation of said Vehicle, but who was not, at this occasion, specifically addressed or identified by said Claus.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that, in clear violation of several Federal Motor Carrier Safety Regulations (see, e.g., §393 Subparts A and B and §658.17), the Vehicle was heavily laden (indeed, excessively and dangerously so) with packages, toys, and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House and landed upon and resting thereon said House’s roofing structure. Said Claus repelled into said House via its chimney, which was specifically not the intended use of said chimney and exceeded the express purpose for which said chimney was constructed.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which may or may not have met the flammability standards for clothing and apparel (see, 16 CFR Part 1610, et seq.), and which was partially covered with residue from the chimney. Claus carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. It is now known whether said toys and/or gifts were approved by the Consumer Products Safety Commission (hereinafter “the Commission”) or whether said toys and/or gifts were age and gender appropriate so as not to shock, frighten or offend said minor children residing in said House.
In direct violation of local ordinances banning the use and/or consumption of tobacco products in domestic dwellings, Claus was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe thereby further endangering the health and safety of said residents by willfully and wantonly exposing them to second-hand smoke and creating a significant risk of fire to said House and its residents due to the potential fall out ashes or other incendiary tobacco by-products.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items are provided pursuant to and in accordance with the Uniform Gifts to Minors Act of the United States Tax Code; however, it was expressly understood and agreed that Claus would not provide and/or submit the appropriate W-9 form on behalf of said minor children. Party of the first part and party of the second part expressly assume any and all liability and tax consequences for accepting and/or receiving said gifts from Claus).

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer, and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" or words of similar meaning and intention.

Girl Role Models - Ms. Dewey

People who help other people are Nice.

Ms. Dewey is Nice.

Ms. Dewey is Pretty.

The internet can be a big scary place.

Ms. Dewey helps people find things on the Internet.

Ms. Dewey.com(link)

Supergroup Defined

A few days ago I blogged about the supergroup XYZ(link) and then I realized that some of you who are Rock-Challenged may not know what a "Supergroup" is.

In the late 1960s, the term supergroup was coined to describe music groups composed of members who had already achieved fame or respect in other groups or as individual artists.

The term took its name from the 1968 album Super Session with Al Kooper, Mike Bloomfield, and Stephen Stills. The coalition of Crosby, Stills and Nash (later Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young(photo at right)) is another early example, given the success of their prior bands (The Byrds, Buffalo Springfield, and The Hollies).

Supergroups tend to be short-lived, often lasting only for an album or two, perhaps because of the natural conflict of egos between established stars. Additionally, supergroups are often formed as side-projects that are not intended to be permanent.

New Music Player Thing

I am experimenting with putting music on Turnipblog. If all goes well, you should be able to play a Christmas Greeting from the Beatles on the player below.

Click on the green musical note and then click play. I have no Idea what the rest of the buttons are for ... yet.

Broadcast Yourself LIVE

Rankin/Bass Rock X-mas - Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town

The best Rankin/Bass Christmas special is Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town. This 1970 Christmas Special tells the story of how Santa Claus and several Claus-related Christmas traditions came to be. Here is the plot:

The mailman's truck breaks down so he begins to tell the story of Santa Claus, in order to answer children's letters to Santa.

The story begins in a small town called Sombertown, which is ruled by Burgermeister Meisterburger. A baby arrives on his doorstep, with nothing more than a name tag that reads: "Claus". The Burgermeister orders his right-hand man, Grimsby to take the baby to the "Orphan Asylum". On the way, a gust of wind blows sled and baby far away, where he is discovered by a elf family by the name of Kringle. They immediately adopt him, giving him the name “Kris”. The Kringle family used to make toys for the king, but since the Burgermeister's rise to power, they have no longer been able to do so.

When Kris is old enough, he volunteers to deliver the toys to Sombertown, through the woods. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Kris, Burgermeister has outlawed all toys in Sombertown. Before he enters the town, he runs into a penguin who's lost trying to find his way to the South Pole. He befriends a penguin and names him "Topper". Kris arrives in the town, where he meets Mistress Jessica (pretty hot for claymation), a local schoolteacher. At first, she is somewhat rude to Kris, but begins to like him after he gives her a china doll (Something she had wanted since childhood). Burgermeister soon finds Kris, and after a short confrontation, chases him out of town.

In the woods outside of town, Kris and Topper meet the Winter Warlock, an evil wizard who lives in the woods. Kris offers him a toy train. This act of kindness melts the Warlock’s icy heart, and he too joins their group. After a few more attempts at delivering presents to Sombertown, Burgermeister manages to capture Kris, the Kringles, Topper, and the Winter Warlock.

Mistress Jessica, who managed to evade capture, climbs up to Winter's jail cell, and manages to get some of his "magic feed corn", which will give reindeer the ability to fly. With the help of the reindeer, the group manages to escape from their holding cells, and escape into the woods.

After months of being an outlaw, Kris (who has now grown his trademark beard) decides to go by the name of "Claus" (his birthname), and takes Jessica as his wife. In order to escape the Burgermeister, the group journeys to the North Pole, where they build a toy shop. As time goes on, the Burgermeister regime comes to an end, and Kris (now Santa Claus), whose fame has gone worldwide (and toy requests increased accordingly), decides to cut his number of visits down to once a year, on December 24th.

Not only does this Christmas Special explain a lot about Santa, it also has some great musical numbers, including "First Toymaker to the King".

The best song in this Special is "Put One Foot in Front of The Other", a fantastic dance number with Kris, Topper and the Winter Warlock.

Girl Role Models - Hi-5

These girls dance and sing and never have wardrobe malfunctions.

Essence Passing

Conference play is about to get started in College basketball. This season, there are many questions in the ACC. The biggest of which is...

Who is going to step into the role of Most-Hated-Duke-White-Guy?

Duke white guy hate-a-bility is something that comes from with-in.

It is a spirit, an essence.

It is not something that you are born with.

It is passed from generation to generation.

When you have it, you are a great player, but a total A-hole.

When you pass it to the next Duke white guy, you lose all of you evil powers, including the ability to play basketball.

That is why JJ Redick is shooting .286 from the field and .333 from 3 point range in his young NBA career.

So who is the next Most-Hated-Duke-White-Guy?

Check out this phtotograph from last year, which has been enhanced with the latest Duke-White-Guy-Most-Hated-Essence photo developing techniques.

Survivor Update - Parvati Photo Farewell

Parvati was voted off of Survivor last night, but the real loser here is me.

X-mas Carols for the Mentally Ill

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic ---Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and.......

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

In Search Of - XYZ

Two of the biggest rock bands of the 70's were Led Zeppelin and Yes.

Led Zeppelin were the kings of rock in 1980 when their drummer, Jon Bonham died. The band broke up with singer Robert Plant starting a solo career and guitarist Jimmy Page forming The Firm.

Yes broke up at about the same time. Long time Yes singer Jon Anderson left the band before the 1980 Yes album Drama. After Drama, Yes guitarist Steve Howe and Yes keybord player Geoff Downes left Yes to joined the Supergroup Asia.

Throughout the 80's, I had always heard "tales" of a Supergroup that almost was, comprised of ex-members of both Yes and Zeppelin appropriately named XYZ.

Is XYZ fact or fiction?
Did it ever really exist?
Who, exactly was in XYZ?
Most importantly, did XYZ record and any music and does it still exist?

Here are the answers:

XYZ was the proposed name for an abortive supergroup. The name XYZ is taken from eX-Yes-&-Zeppelin as the group consisted of ex-Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page, along with ex-Yes members Chris Squire (bass guitar, vocals, keyboards) and Alan White (drums).

Page believed the band needed a strong vocalist and sought out former Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant — Plant did attend one XYZ rehearsal in 1981 but decided not to join the group, citing his dislike for complex progressive rock.

Without a commitment from Robert Plant, the project was shelved shortly thereafter.

Since the mid 1990s, a number of bootleg tracks have surfaced, originally recorded by XYZ at Chris Squire's home studio at New Pipers, in Virginia Water, Surrey, during April 1981. They are believed to have been sourced from demo tapes stolen from Jimmy Page's house at Cookham, Berkshire, in 1987.

These consist of four pieces: two instrumentals (the riff from one of which was used on The Firm's "Fortune Hunter"; the other was later incorporated into the 1997 Yes song "Mind Drive"), plus vocal numbers known as "Telephone Secrets" and "And (Do) You Believe It" (The latter track was recorded by Yes in 2001 and released as "Can You Imagine" on Magnification)

Of course I have a bootleg of all four XYZ songs. 2 of the songs are instumentals and Chris Squire sings on the other 2. It is clearly Jimmy Page playing on all 4 songs.

Let me know and I will burn you a copy of this interesting music that represents an interesting time in Rock almost-history.

How Many Of Me Are There?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 2 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Just first and last name, "Jeff Turnipseed", not full name, "Jefferson Davis Turnipseed" (I am the one and only).

Rankin/Bass Rock X-mas - The Misers

Q = What is the name of the children's special that has "Heatmiser" and "Snowmiser"?

A = Why that would be the 1974 Rankin/Bass classic The Year Without a Santa Claus.

Heatmiser and Snowmiser are pretty much the only reason to watch this Christmas special and their song totally rocks. Aside from HM and SM, The Year Without a Santa Claus is very average.

The Plot = I can't remember the plot exactly. Santa gets sick or decides to take one Christmas off. Two elves with a reindeer, in disguise, go to Sunnyville in the southern USA to save Christmas. I can't remember if the elves go there following Santa or if Santa goes there following the elves. Santa ends up staying with a family while in disguise. The reindeer gets caught by the dog-catcher and the mayor will only release him if it snows in Sunnyville. Snowmiser can make this happen, but only if Heatmiser consents. The misers are sons of Mother Nature. They somehow save Christmas.

1975 - Have You Never Been Mellow

I have been highlighting some of the best mixed tapes/mixed cd's that I have made over the years.

My kid-friendly cd's are appropriate for the youngest ears, yet good enough to listen to even when kids are not in the car.

The 70's is my favorite music decade.

Have You Never Been Mellow is a kid-friendly mixed cd that I made highlighting the mellow music from 1975. You start this cd in the minivan when it is time for the kids to nap or go night-night, and mom and dad keep listening even after the kids are asleep.

1. Have You Never Been Mellow - Olivia Newton John
2. Sarah Smile - Hall and Oats
3. Black Water - Doobie Brothers
4. Sister Golden Hair - America
5. Dream Weaver - Gary Wright
6. How Sweet It Is - James Taylor
7. Send In The Clowns - Judy Collins
8. Time In a Bottle - Jim Croche
9. Love Hurts - Nazareth
10. Lady - Styx
11. I'm Not In Love - 10cc
12. 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon
13. Can't Get It Out Of My Head - ELO
14. Boogie On Reggae Woman - Stevie Wonder
15. How Long - Ace
16. Dance With Me- Orleans
17. Sailing - Rod Stewart
18. Blue Red and Grey - The Who
19. Miracles - Jefferson Airplane

Now some trivia:

Lady is one of the cheesiest songs from one of the cheesiest bands. I seem to recall a scene from the Simpsons where Lady is playing in Hell as Charon is shuttling people across the river STYX.

The singer for Ace is Paul Carrack who sings the Squeeze song Tempted and was one of the "Mechanics" in the 80's band Mike and the Mechanics

Vitale/Duke Drinking Game

(Link)

Girl Role Models

I hate it that my 7 year old daughter is growing up in the age of Brats dolls where the 2 most popular young women in America are idiots who are famous strictly for being rich and getting photographed pantiless or with a nip slip by "accident".



Girl Role Models is the name of a new Turnipblog feature where I will offer alternative role models for young girls.

Rankin/Bass - Kings of X-mas

I have no idea who Rankin and Bass are, but those guys know how to make Children's Christmas Programs.

This Holiday Season, I will be highlighting many Rankin/Bass Christmas Programs, starting with grandaddy of them all...

It all started with 1964's Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Rudolph became one of the most popular and longest-running Christmas specials in television history.

Not only is Rudolph entertaining and enlightning, but it was ground-breaking.

Rudolph was the original underdog who triumphed against all odds and physical deformities.

Long before "Rudy" and "Mask" (the Cher movie about the kid with the big head, not the Jim Carey movie), there was Rudolph.

Long before "The Bad News Bears" there was Rudolph's gang of misfit toys.

Rudolph was also groundbreaking in that it featured the first homosexual clay-mation character in prime-time, Kirby, the elf who wanted to be a dentist.

PNS - A Little Much

You are sitting at home watching TiVo.

All of a sudden the telephone starts ringing...

and then your cell phone starts ringing...

and then your wife's cell phone starts ringing...

the computer in-box starts filling up...

you look at you answering machine and see that you have 19 new messages...

you look at the cell phone and you have 20 new voicemails...

suddenly a banner starts coming across the bottom of the television screen...

What is going on? Do you Panic?

No. It's only the Parent Notification System at St. Joseph School reminding you that enrichment papers are due next tuesday.

I'm Telling You Know Who

How do you get your kids to behave before Christmas?

That's easy. You tell your kids that if they are bad, you are going to tell a certain someone.

A Man.

The Man.

Take South Carolina mother Brandi Ervin for example:

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) - A fed-up mother had her 12-year-old son arrested for allegedly rummaging through his great-grandmother's things and playing with his Christmas present early.

The mother called police Sunday after learning her son had disobeyed orders and repeatedly taken a Game Boy from its hiding place at his grandmother's house next door and played with it. He was arrested on petty larceny charges, taken to the local police station in handcuffs and held until his mother picked him up after church.

"My grandmother went out of her way to lay away a toy and paid on this thing for months," said the boy's mother, Brandi Ervin.

"It was only to teach my son a lesson. He's been going through life doing things...and getting away with it."

Police did not release the boy's name.

The mother said her son was diagnosed in the last year with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder but his medicine does not seem to help.

She said he faces an expulsion hearing at his school Wednesday. Rock Hill Police Capt. Mark Bollinger said the boy took a swing at a police officer assigned to the school last month. He has been suspended from school since then.

The boy's case will be presented to Department of Juvenile Justice officials in York County, who will decide what happens to him, Bollinger said. His mother hopes he can attend a program that will finally scare him straight.

"It's not even about the Christmas present," she said.

"I only want positive things out of it...There's no need for him to act this way. I'd rather call myself than someone else call for him doing something worse than this."

Hurricane Survival Kit

Toilet Paper....................................check
Bud Light.......................................check
Keystone Ice....................................check
Budweiser.......................................check
Red Dog.........................................check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol..................check
Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on..check

Number 18 - The Dynasty Continues

Today, North Carolina beat Notre Dame 2-1, to win the Women's NCAA Soccer Championship for the 18th time.

Famous Short Guys - Nate Robinson

There have been quite a few short guys in the NBA. Spud Web and Mugsy Bouges being the two most famous.

You have got to check out this video of 5'9" Nate Robinson of the New York Knicks blocking the shot of 7'6" Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets.

Lets see Prince do this(link)

Britney Spears Crotch Shot

Maybe you have heard of the Britney Spears panty-less crotch shot floating around on the internet.


Click here for the uncensored version (link).