2005 Year in Review

Turnipblog will now take a look at the most important happenings of the last year.

January through June - North Carolina wins NCAA tournament, South Carolina wins NIT. Other than that, not much happened.

Click on any of the below text for a link to the relevant post.

July 14 - Turnipblog goes on-line.

July 19 - I'm Outta Here debuted on Turnipblog.

July 22 - Pep Rally, Chapter 1 published on Turnipblog.

July 26 - Kid Tip feature debuts on Turnipblog.

July 27 - My 70's Memories debuts on Turnipblog.

August 3 - Great Music feature debuts on Turnipblog.

August 8 - First Hiaku published on Turnipblog

August 14 - First Duke Bashing on Turnipblog

August 22 - I dive into 2 feet of water.

August 25 - Turniblog is revealed to friends after a stranger leaves the first comment on Turnipblog (about Rockstar INXS).

August 26 - Turnipblog Audio Welcome becomes first audio post on Turnipblog

August 29 - Old West Tales debuts on Turnipblog.

September 13 - Peeing Outside, the first Turnipblog survey, is published.

October 14 - The Bob Seger Game debuts on Turnipblog.

October 18 - Maynard Sheppard on Shin-guards starts off the noteable audio quote feature on Turnipblog.

October 30 - The Blue Bells soccer team finishes with a winning season.

September 13 - Weeklong College Football Blog-tacular kicks off on Turnipblog.

There you have it, a review of the most important events of 2005.

Chicken Curse Lives On

Today the Gamecocks blew a 21-to-0 first quarter lead and lost to Missouri in the Independence Bowl, proving, once again, that ...

The Chicken Curse Is Alive and Well.

Pure Genius - Dipping Dots

Do you know what dipping dots are? Dipping dots are little balls of ice cream invented in 1980 and advertised as "The Ice Cream of The Future". Whoever invented these things is a genius.

Dipping dots are suppsedly made by some sort of super-freezing process that makes them taste better than normal ice cream, but that is total B.S.. They taste just like ice cream. The genius is that the inventor figured out a way to fit less actual ice cream in a given amount of space (or container) and charge more for it. My daughter always wants the dots at basketball games, and the container shown at right, at its actual size, sells for $5

Irmo Update - BJ McKie Honored

Tonight, right before a disappointing loss to Pittsburg, USC retired the jersey of former BB player and three-time All-SEC standout BJ McKie. There was a video tribute and a teary BJ McKie addressed the crowd.

A 2000 USC graduate, here are a few of McKie's career highlights:

Went to Irmo High School

No. 1 in career points scored (2,119)

No 1 in free throws made

Played in 123 career games (No. 3 all-time)

1998 All-American and 3-time All-SEC Honoree

1996 SEC Freshman of the Year and on the SEC All-Freshman team

1999 SEC Post-Graduate Community Service Award Winner

Member of the 1997 SEC Championship team - team was 15-1 in the SEC

2-time NCAA Tournament participant (lost in the first round in 1997 and '98)

Behind Bars

Sam got Policeman dress-up clothes for X-mas. I was trying to get him to stand still for a photo and he hid behind a chair. This added a caged criminal effect.

Kid Tip - Hi-5

Do you need more kids songs stuck in your head all day?

Now, thanks to Hi-5, you can sing kids songs all day and not feel like a purple dinosaur or sound australian. Hi-5 is a great kids show that comes on TLC every weekday morning at 7:38. Hi-5 is 5 twenty-somethings who sing, dance, teach, and entertain. At our house, we love Karla, Shaun, Kimee, Curtis and Jen.

Don't believe me, here is a medley.

Merry Holiday

Lazy Sunday

Did you see SNL last week with Jack Black hosting?. Jack sang a King Kong song and there was a Tenacious D sighting in the fantastic Spelling Bee skit. The highlight of the show was the rap video Lazy Sunday. My 6 year old daughter knows the words. Here is the video (link)

Best "Pure" Poet In NCAA

Here is a poem I wrote September 5, 2004. Tell me if you like it.

My life story is read in poetic stages
I was once weak-minded, now I'm courageous
The cause and effect of a thousand actions
The mathematical breakdown of micro-fractions
It's difficult to fathom the coming of the rapture
What if I awoke in an empty pasture?
Suddenly every ounce of passion had been depleted
And all my determination had been defeated
The rain pours, my tears fall
The pain subsides, I stand in awe
A lightning bolt strikes, I feel a sudden energy
Thunder clouds approach, I can't run from destiny
A tornado tears me down, but I will stand again
My life is a hurricane, but I'll weather it to the end

Just kidding ... that garbage was written by Duke bb-player and uber-loser JJ Reddik.

Great Double Albums - Electric Ladyland

I started a feature in this post (link) about Great Double Albums.

When choosing great albums, double albums often get the nod over single albums. Some of the best albums of all time are double albums because double albums have double the music. Live Albums don't count because they are not real albums with new material. Its kind of like saying that a Greatest Hits album is a great album.

Here was my list of Great Double Albums in no particular order:

1. Stevie Wonder - Songs in The Key of Life
2. Pink Floyd - The Wall
3. Beatles - White Album
4. Rolling Stones - Exile On Main Street
5. Led Zeppelin - Physical Graffiti
6. The Who - Tommy
7. The Who - Quadrophenia
8. Derrick and The Dominoes - Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs
9. Todd Rundgren - Something Anything

Others added:

Bob Dylan - Blonde On Blonde
Yo La Tengo - Genius/Love.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Welcome to the Pleasuredome
The Cure - Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation
Prince - Sign O' the Times
The Clash, "London Calling."

So here is the last on my list:

#10 = Jimi Hendrix Experience - Electric Ladyland

On his last album with the Experience, in 1968, Jimi experimented in the studio and created one of the best albums of all time. Everybody knows the oft played Crosstown Traffic, Voodoo Child (slight return), and the Bob Dylan cover All Along The Watchtower, but the rest of the album is groundbreaking, rockin, and trippy.

My personal favorites are Have You Ever Been (to Electric Ladyland), 1983 (A Merman I Should Turn To Be) and Gypsy Eyes. Electric Ladyland also features two of my favorite Hendrix songs with some of the best guitar playing ever; Come On (Stevie Ray Vaughn based his entire career on this song) and the wah-wah masterpiece Rainy Day, Dream Away.

So there you have it, if anyone can think of any other great double albums, let us know.

X-mas Card Photo Reject 3

Old West Tales - TPYG Questions Answered

For an introduction to Old West Tales, click here: Old West Tales - Introduction

We want to hear more about Rich, TPYG.

First of all, for a background on Rich, read this post (link).

You describe Rich as The Pale Young Gentleman, tall and thin and frail looking with wispy white hair and lilly white skin, but I still can't muster a visual image.

Let me help you. Picture Def Leppard Guitarist Steve (photos at right). Now, imagine that instead of dying in 1991 from a mixture of alchohol and pain killers, Steve quit the band, cut his hair, and developed a creepy fascination with Japanese culture. That is what Rich looked like.

Ok, I will now answer 3 questions about Rich.

Question #1. = Rich really never drank?

A = Rich did drink on one, and only one, occasion.

Question #2. = Did Rich ever make a sound other than through the use of his own vocal cords?

A = Yes, Rich did make a sound on one, and only one, occasion. It just so happened to be the one, and only one, occasion that he consumed alcohol.

At some point during the semester, Rich started taking an interest in student politics (yawn). Rich told us that he was backing a guy named Trey for student body president. Rich talked about Trey all the time and had Trey campaign stuff. Basically, Rich wanted to be Trey.

Well the big election night came and Trey didn't do so well.

Rich was devastated and started drinking a 4 pack of wine coolers (I swear this is true) out of a coffee mug. Soon Rich was slurring his speech,

"Alsssss I"m SSSSSaying..."

Rich's anger over the election swelled up inside him over the course of the evening and erupted as he slammed the empty coffee mug down on our bar, and for the first time since I had known him, Rich's physical interaction with matter produced an audible sound.

Question #3. = Did Rich ever do anything remotely cool?

A = Yes, on one, and only one, occasion, Rich said something funny.

I was sitting on my bed scraping a pipe when Rich started speaking. (As usual, I had forgotten that Rich was even in the room).

"Your parents must be proud."

I'll bite. "What do you mean Rich?"

"If your parents knew how much heavy metal music you had to listen to and how much you had to party to be cool, they would have to be proud."

This was actually pretty funny, but I couldn't let Rich know that. Without batting an eye or looking up,

"Yeah Rich, I guess you are right."

X-mas Card Photo Reject 2

Setting the Bar Too High

Every year Madeline's school has an auction to raise money. Each class always makes some artwork for the auction. Last year was our first year at the school. We went by the auction location early in the day to drop something off. I waited in the car, and when Cyndy came back out, she started talking about how cute the 4-K Itsy-Bitsy-Spider-Table-and-Chairs were. Each child in Madeline's class had put their thumb-print on this table and they had been turned into spiders.

Later that night we got to the auction and it was fun. There were silent auction items, a live auction, food, and open bar. I stuck pretty close to the open bar and at one point I didn't see Cyndy for a few minutes. When she came back she was very upset because the had been out-bid on the 4-K Itsy-Bitsy-Spider-Table-and-Chairs during the live auction to the tune of $500. (By an OBGYN, I guess he still had a little $ left after paying his med mal insurance premiums.)

This gave me an idea for a Christmas present. After much planning I bought a lamp from the local pottery place. Then I got the birth-month of every child in Madeline's class from the teacher. I then went to the class with paint and had the kids with birthdays in December, January and February put their thumbprints on one side of the lamp. Then March, April, May on the next side. You get the idea. I then took the lamp back to the pottery place and turned the thumbprints into scenes depicting the 4 seasons. A laminated card, velcro-ed inside the lamp lists the kids, their birth-month and which prints belong to who. I missed about a day and a half of work on this project.



Needless to say, the lamp was a huge hit. Every woman who sees it or even hears about it goes "AHHHH, how sweet."

The problem is, I will never match this Christmas gift for thought, originality, or the fact that I didn't spend hundreds of dollars on it.

Caught on Film

Sam had his daycare Christmas program last week. The kids came out and shook bells and sang. Sam was doing really well but just started getting upset and by the end, was crying and had to be ushered from the stage when the song was over.

I was taking pictures and didn't know why he was crying, but my mother-in-law said that the little girl net to Sam was crying first.

I looked back in the photos and you can clearly see that he is doing well, gets a little concerned, looks upset by something to his left, is not pleased with the redfaced girl in tears, and starts crying as she is gone.

Comment Word Verification

You may have noticed some spam comments on Turnipblog from time to time. I try to delete them all. Let me demonstrate with quotes from actual spam comments that I have deleted from Turnipblog.

Usually spam comments start out by kissing my butt:

"Very unique blog you have! I'm definitely going to bookmark you! ... "

Then they quickly try to sell something or promote a web site:

"Hi, The chances of you or one of your family suffering from arthritis during their lifetime is highly likely ... "

"Great Blog you have here! I am going to bookmark this one.
Play free online gamestoday at arcade queen."

"Hey you've got a great blog here, the best I've seen so far, keep up the good job! A few days ago I was surfing the web and came across this cool site... "

"Hi, thanks for your blog, I liked it! I also have a blog/site about electric wheel chair lift that covers electric wheel chair lift related stuff. Please feel free to visit."

"Nice Blog!!! I thought I'd tell you about a site that will let give you places where you can make extra cash! ... "

Then there are some spam comments that don't even try to trick me, like the one that was a link that only said:

"Outdoor Clock"

It is usually pretty easy to spot spam comments, but all that changed when I received the trickiest spam comment in blog history this week:

"All I can say is WOW Seed. The other half and I just got back from our friends house (well her friends house) and I needed a huge break. I am working on a project right now that is based on canada poker chips. I have literally been on-line for 2-3 hours doing research. Even though X-mas Card Photo Reject really isn’t on the same page as canada poker chips I am certainly glad I came across your blog. There are a ton of great view points on this blog. Well I think I can here the kids screaming in the background. I put you in my internet favorites and I will certainly come back and visit. If you want to take a peek at my site you can find me here at canada poker chips. I update my site very frequently. Again, great job blogging and I will be back again soon!"

Due to the trickiness of this comment, which I only spotted as spam because it was from "Discount Poker Chip Sets", I have enabled Comment Word Verification on Turnipblog, so that people leaving comments are required to complete a word verification step. What this does is to prevent automated systems from adding comments to Turnipblog, since it takes a human being to read the word and pass this step.

Despite the fact that I have made it more difficult to post comments, I am encouraging more comments. Please see the below post for more details.

Some Comments on Comments

I like comments.

I want you, the readers, to comment.

I already know that I have a huge female following because I get so many private e-mails asking me to post photos of myself, but I want to know who else is reading Turnipblog.

If you read Turnipblog, and are lurking out there, leave a comment.

You can comment about a certain post, about what you like or don't like about Turnipblog, or just to let me know that you are out there reading.

Don't worry, if you comments suck or you post too many comments, I can easily delete them like I do with Spam.

All that being said, I have just made it more difficult to post comments on Turnipblog. See the above post for details.

Double Dipping with St. Nicholas

Madeline came home from school last week telling us that she had learned about St. Nicholas. Apparently, in some country, last Monday night, children put their shoes in the doorway and St. Nicholas puts treats in them.

Madeline wanted to try it at our house. I told her that I was pretty sure that maybe something had been lost in the language translation from that other country or they were on another calender or something, and that Santa Clause probably had the whole St. Nicholas/footware-thing covered.

Reluctantly, I put the shoes out ... and sure enough, the next morning each child had a quarter and a Pez dispenser in their shoe.

X-mas Card Photo Reject

Holiday Memory Haiku, part 2

Midnight movie theft
By pure chance Richard drove
He claimed the Racoon.

Old West Tales - Gumby's

For an introduction to Old West Tales, click here: Old West Tales - Introduction

While living in Old West I had a job delivering Pizzas for Gumby's Pizza. Gumby's was actually located in Carrboro, a town adjacent to Chapel Hill, on the non-Durham side. Gumby's was started by some frat boys at University of Florida and was in the process of spreading to other college towns.

At the time, the UNC Gumby's was second in sales only to the Ohio State Gumby's. Gumby's pizza was good and cheap, a favorite of students and locals. It was a good job and I already knew how to make pizzas from my days at Showbiz Pizza back in Columbia, SC.

Half the drivers were students, the other half were professional pizza delivery guys who might also drive a cab and who might own 2 cars, one crappy one reserved for pizza delivery.Drivers either worked morning or night shifts. Morning shift you had to help open the store and do alot of prep work, but you got free lunch and had your evening free. Night shift you made the most money, but didn't get home until about 2 or 3 a.m.

One night while working, I heard that student tickets vouchers to the Final 4 were being distributed the next morning at the Smith Center. When I got off work at 3 a.m., I only had to wait a few hours in line to get the voucher for 2 tickets. I sold it for $100.

Pizza delivery is very rough on a car. Especially in Chapel Hill where there are a lot of low stone walls in odd locations. Luckily, my father had given me his hand-me-down Accord. That car took a beating.

Drivers got paid a small hourly wage, plus tips, plus 50 cents a pie (industry jargon for pizza), or 75 cents a pie if you averaged over 4 pie deliveries an hour. Whoever delivered the most pies on a night shift got a $10 bonus. One night I was all set to win the bonus (one of the managers had been setting me up with killer runs) until I locked my keys in my car. We got paid in cash, tax free, at the end of the shift.

Tips were usually a dollar, but sometimes more. A pizza delivery trick is to carry a huge wad of one dollar bills. When counting out change, you pull out the wad of 1's (your 5's and 10's are hidden) and start slowly and laboriously counting out the change, one bill at a time, until the customer tells you to keep the rest of the change. It is also perfectly acceptable to tell the customer that you have no coin change (huge lie).

Yes, I got plenty of beer and "other stuff" as tips.

There was a lot of turn-over of drivers. If you didn't show up for your shift, you were fired. I got fired 3 times. The managers liked me and always told me to wait a month or so and they would hire me back.

Sometimes you would go to deliver a pizza to a dorm room and no-one would be there. If that happened, you would call Gumby's and they would tell you to sell the pizza for 5 bucks or bring it back. If you sold it for more than $5, you got to keep the difference. One time I delivered to a dorm room and the guy was passed out in his bed. I could not get him to wake up, but a wallet was sitting right there on the desk. I called Gumby's and they told me to take the money and a tip and leave the pizza. It was a good tip.

Pizza tip = If your pizza is late and you call the pizza place and the manager says that the driver "just left" with your pizza, they didn't. They forgot about you and will start making your pizza when you hang up.

Tivo Update - Danni Wins Survivor

Survivor - Danni wins, becoming 3rd highly attractive female to win Survivor.

Now, on to the rest of the week.

Sunday
Desperate Housewives - Most plotlines are growing old, Evil Nun is pretty funny.

Monday
Arrested Development - Inside jokes continue. Just last week Buster spoofed his famous VW Mr. Roboto TV Commercial and George Michael popped in an old video with footage of himself imitating Star Wars Kid (link).

How I Met Your Mother - Excellent friends-like show. "Slutty Pumpkin" episode a classic.

Out of Practice - We keep watching and it keeps sucking - won't be back next season.

Tuesday
Amazing Race - Final episode this week. Producers have made Weaver family out to be so un-likeable that they will probably win.

My Name is Earl - Great new show. Christmas episode was the best yet. Jamie Pressly is not acting, just being Kinston, NC.

The Office - Show improves in season 2 as focus shifts off of Michael. Dwight K. Schrute is my favorite character.

Real World - Finally over - We promised ourselves we will never watch again.

Wednesday
That 70's Show - is still on despite the departure of Eric and Kelso. Huge shark-jumping here. New Scrappy Guy (link) has appeared (His older brother is on SNL).

Thursday
Joey- Still Scrappy with superfluous-black-friend.

Will and Grace - Why is Grace so thick around the waste now? Final episode can't come soon enough. Jumped-the-shark long ago.

Holiday Memory Haiku

Shopping Cart to Trunk
Four Elves a Fire a Racoon
Christmas Display Theft

Bunco Party

If you don't know what Bunco is, click here.

My wife's Bunco group had it's Christmas party last night, and husbands were invited. This gives the women a chance to put faces to the husbands that they have been hearing about all year. For example:

"____'s husband doesn't seem like that much of a dumb-ass." or

"I pictured him with more hair." or

"So that's who _______ isn't having sex with."

You get the idea.

The party was fun and the food was great. There was a lot of drinking. There was so much drinking that I actually played Taboo for the first time since the "We are in ____ " incident.

Ornament Spotlight - Honeymoon Angel

We bought this Christmas ornament on our honeymoon cruise on some Caribean Island.

Stevie tribute to Steve FM

I listen to a new radio station in Columbia, Steve FM, 96.7. Steve FM's motto is "We play what We want" and Steve FM doesn't take requests.

Steve FM plays mostly 70's and 80's music. In celebration of Steve FM, I will sing a medley of 4 Stevie Nicks duets, all of which I have now heard on Steve FM.

Garden Update - Peppers Alive

Peppers are the only thing left in this year's garden and they are doing well. On two different nights I have had to cover the plants with sheets to protect from frost.

I now only pick peppers about once a week, but last weeks haul was pretty good.

You Pervert!

Shame on You!

Pervert!


Turnipblog is not that kind of Blog!

Sweet Tea Please.

One day a few years ago, I went with some co-workers to lunch at a restaurant named Motor Supply Co. This place has good food. Motor Supply serves fancy southern food, like "braised pork chop with gouda chipotle grits".

We were waiting on a table and walked up to the bar because it was a hot day and we wanted to go ahead and get something to drink. One of the girls who was with us asked for sweet tea and the bartender said:

I'm Outta Here

Two words = Heart Chip

Madeline found it in a bag of Lay's Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips.

How can I get maximum value for the Heart Chip? E-Bay?

Genetic Gender Play

Little boys and little girls are just wired differently. Madeline couldn't care less if a fire truck drives by, and Sam feels no desire to collect and name dolls.

Here are some recent play pictures to illustrate this point.







"I Fight Bad Mans!"














"Our Power is out and we are staying in a hotel, I am 26 and my husband is in India"

Old West Tales - Enter TPYG

For an introduction to Old West Tales, click here: Old West Tales - Introduction

I put Brian, the goldfish, in some sort of container of tapwater and headed back to Chapel Hill for second semester. One morning, early in the semester, a guy walks into our room with a laundry basket full of stuff, and starts unloading it.

What are you doing?

My name is Richard King, I am your roomate....

Sure enough, the student housing conspiracy continued and we had been assigned a new roomate in the middle of the year.

Let's just say that Rich didn't fit in with Vic and me. Rich was tall and thin and frail looking. He had wispy white hair and lilly white skin. I immediately nicknamed him The Pale Young Gentleman, after a character that tried to fight Pip in the Great Expectations Cliff Notes.

Rich claimed to be from Raliegh, but he was originally from Chicago and had yankee dorkiness. Rich said "Basically...." and "Alls I'm Saying ..." alot. Rich wore bright colored windbreakers like royal blue with orange piping.

Rich didn't drink or party at all, he was into Japan.

Rich was an extremely quiet person. Which isn't to say that he never talked, just that he could move around and go about his business without making a sound. You would often forget that he was even in the room. Rich wore pajamas. At night or while napping, I would often catch a glimpse of a thin figure gliding silently across the room like an apparition.

Rich had a hard time getting up in the morning and had about 4 or 5 different alarms that would go off.

Rich hardly ever ate. He didn't seem to like food. He would buy a sub sandwich from the student union and live off of it for days. He would occasionally pull the sub out of the mini-fridge, un-wrap it, and then carefully carve off a translucent sliver and eat it, all without making a sound.

Rich was a spectator who was entertained by our personalities and antics. He liked to eavesdrop on other conversations but rarely participated. Rich seemed to have no friends at all, at least none ever came by our room. I am sure that the only time he ever spoke to girls is when our friends or girlfriends would come over. The girls thought it was funny to watch Rich grin and blush when they asked him something about Japan.

Don't get me wrong, guys liked to come by and make fun of Rich also. We always encouraged even marginal smokers to light-up when they swung by the room; the fun was to see if Rich had the balls to protest.

Rich had expensive Paul Mitchell hair styling products that we liked to hide around the room.

Vic and I liked to play loud music and Rich didn't care for devil music. Strangely, AC/DC and Black Sabbath became my favorite bands that semester

Vic and Rich did not get along at all. They were constantly arguing. The ongoing disagreement went something like this:

Rich = "Vic, your problem is, you decide right away that people are either cool or a pussy --- cool, or a pussy. And that's it."

Vic = "That's right Rich."

This infuriated Rich as he fell on the wrong side of Vic's first impression. Rich tried all semester to gain our acceptance, and when he ultimately failed ....

Crunk

In a previous post, see-ya-coffee, I told you that I love energy drinks, especially Monster, with Rockstar and Joker being right up there at the top. The 3 above mentioned energy drinks come in 48 oz. cans and that is one of the reasons that I love them. There are also smaller energy drinks such as Red Bull.

My new favorite small energy drink is Crunk. Crunk is a little different. Crunk is flavored with pomegranate juice. Crunk, a self proclaimed hip-hop energy drink, is made in Atlanta and associated with Lil' Jon, who apparently made up the word Crunk.

(For other clueless white people who know nothing about hip-hop, Lil' Jon is the real life gold tooth guy that Dave Chappelle is imitating when he goes, "Wha-t! ... Wha-t! ... Wha-t! ... OK!" )

In addition to your standard cafeine, Crunk also has other, cool sounding, ingredients such as horny goat weed, green tea leaf, skull cap, ashwaganda, and white willow.

UNC Haters meet Tyler Hansbrough

I know that people hate UNC Tar Heel Basketball. It doesn't bother me. Just like it doesn't bother Duke students that their families back in New Jersey hate Duke.

I hate Duke Basketball more than any other sports thing. Why? The reasons too numerous to list here. (see the following posts: Anti Duke Manifesto; Truth About Duke) One reason that I hate Duke is because they are so damn good every single year. I know that is also why people hate UNC Basketball.

I also realize that some players are more hate-able than others, take Rasheed Wallace for example. Even in the rare "off-year" when Duke isn't ranked in the top five in the national polls, the Blue Devils lead the nation in hate-able players. I think that Duke wants to be hated as part of their strategy. I think Coack K purposefully recruits Ferry's and Laetner's, Thomas Hills's, Snyder's, Wojo's, Collins's, Re-ddick's ... see, Duke hatred is overcoming me and throwing me off my game ...

The point of all this is that Heels haters are really going to love to hate new UNC center, Freshman Tyler Hansbrough. I am a UNC grad, the season is only 5 games old, and I am already sick of hearing Dick Vitale talk about Hansbrough.