Frog Alert

The Frog (link) is back, only this time it somehow got into our house.

Nazi/Magician Sighting

Monday night we went to the Junior Gamecock Club Halloween Party at the Colonial Center. Here are some photos.














The Highlight of the evening is that we had a Nazi/Magician Sighting(link)

Tom Cruise Vs. Prince

A short guy match-up, by request.

The winner, Prince.

Although kind of flaky and not a musical genius (as a Turnipblog commentor recently proclaimed), Prince's music is good.

Tom Cruise, on-the-other-hand has zero talent and is in an idiot.

Crap, I shouldn't have said that, doesn't Cruise have like superpowers because he has reached a high level of (paid a lot of money to) Scientology?

Isn't Cruise like a 9th level mage?

I like Prince,especially when I don't have to look at him. I have a killer Soundboard of a Prince concert on New Years Eve 1987 at Paisley Park, where Miles Davis plays with Prince.

Short Guys - Prince

The musician Prince has worn platform boots, teased up his pompadore hair-do, sat on a big motorcycle, and even shortened his name to a mere symbol....

... All lame attempts to hide the fact that he is extreemly short.

Sorry "Tafkap", but Turnipblog is outing you as 5'2".

Call for Change

Many rational, educated, non-racist, non-homophibic, non-millionaire Americans think that the Rebublicans can't possibly keep winning elections because they are evil and Bush is the worst President ever and the Iraq war is BS and people will not continue to vote against their self interests based on fear and hatred."

If you think this, you are wrong.

The voting machines are rigged and the voting public are really really stupid.

We have got to take Congress back from the Republicans and impeach Bush now before It is too late and the Ultimate Evil takes power.

MoveOn's Call for Change program allows people with busy lives to spend as little as 15 minutes mobilizing voters in key races from their home computer and phone.

The goal is to make 5 million calls this election season—2 million have already been made. Here's what some MoveOn members have reported back:

This is easier than any political calling I have done. The print is large, you click on the screen rather than filling in tiny boxes. I like being able to call from home.
–Shelby, Spokane, WA

The best part is the flexibility of the program. I can call when my schedule permits, in small time slots: while I'm waiting for a fax, or have a half hour to spare.
—Diana, Los Angeles, CA

The tools, the script, the ease in which you can do this is wonderful! It could not be easier, and you can make a lot of calls in a short amount of time.
–Tomi, The Woodlands, TX

If you don't want your grandkids to one day ask you why you didn't do anything about the election of Emporer Krzyzewski, please click on this link to Call for Change (link).

I'm Out-A Here!

Kiss my butt everyone who ever made fun of my last name, it is about to make me Ree-ach Bee-ach!

Take a look at this e-mail I got yesterday from Lagos.

From Barrister David Chiji
Chiji Chambers
#16 Akintola William Str.
Ikeja Lagos.
Office email: davidchiji_esq@yahoo.com

My Dear Turnipseed,

I am a lawyer. I am the personal attorney to Late Mr. Kenneth Turnipseed, a National of your Country, who used to work as a contractor with Crystal Construction Company Inc.,herein after shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2002, my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Sagamu express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives and this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts to locate any member of his family, hence I contacted you. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposit were lodged. Particularly, the bank where the deceased had an account valued above US$10,000,000.00 has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated and the funds returned to the government.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over two years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name, so that the proceeds of this account valued above $10,000,000.00 can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money, 60% to me and 40% to you. I have all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me by my email or call me on the above telephone and send to me your telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction.

I await your urgent response and positive attention in this circumstance.Please write back through this email address (davidchiji_esq@yahoo.com)

Best regards,
Barrister David Chiji, LLB, LLM, BL,SAN
Attorney at Law.

What is missing...

...in this photo taken at a Duke home football game?

Kid Tip - Halloween Phantom

This is a fun Halloween activity for little kids.

First. Have your kids draw and color 2 Halloween Phantoms.

Second. Let your kids help you make 2 goody bags.

Third. Go put a goody bag and phantom on the porch of 2 different nieghborhood kids, along with a note that says,

"Your house has been visited by the Halloween Phantom.

Place the phantom on your front door so that everyone will know that the phantom has been to your house.

Make 2 more phantoms, 2 copies of this letter and 2 goodie bags and go put them on the front porch of 2 other houses."

Here are photos of my kids getting their phantom bags last year.

"Bang!" - Another Turnipblog Convergence

In an earlier post, I talked about how as a child it all came together for me in a zen-like convergence of three of the coolest things imagineable during the third season of The Six Million Dollar Man. TV Nirvana.

Thats right: the Six Million Dollar Man fought Bigfoot who came to earth in a UFO. The only way it could have been better is if a Loch Ness Monster made out of Legos appeared, but that would have been far fetched and not believable.

This week there was a dual convergence of two of the coolest things imaginable,

70's Classic Rock and Cosmology.

Brian May (seated in photo) traded rock-n-roll for the big bang as he launched a book about the origins of the universe.

May, who abandoned doctoral studies in astronomy to play guitar with `70s rock legends Queen, has returned to his first love as a co-author of the book Bang! The Complete History of the Universe, which was launched Monday.

Co-written with Patrick Moore and Chris Lintott, the book recounts the formation of the universe from its origins more than 13 billion years ago and looks forward to its end, several billion years from now.

May, 59, whose guitar playing drives “We Will Rock You,'' “Bohemian Rhapsody'' and other hits, sees similarities between his two great loves, music and astronomy.

“I think there's a sort of purity about both of them,'' he said recently, according to The Guardian newspaper. “Because you can immerse yourself in thoughts of the universe, or in music, and you're really abstracted. You're a million miles away from all your worries and personal problems and the dust and smoke of where you are.”

May's quote is kind of stupid (If you take enough drugs (dust and smoke), you can immerse yourself in thoughts of just about anything), but Queen and Cosmology are both cool.

Great South Carolinians - Raymond Felton

Last night I went to the Colonial Center to watch the Indiana Pacers play the Charlotte Bobcats in pre-season NBA basketball.

Why, you ask?

Let me start at the begining.

The year was 2002.

The 2001-2002 North Carolina Mens Basketball team finished the season with a record of 8-20, missing the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 1975 and finishing with a losing record for the first time since 1962 (Dean Smith's first year as coach). The season also saw the end of UNC's run of 30 straight 20-win seasons and 35 straight seasons of finishing higher than third in the ACC.

As Tarheel fans, me and my dad and my buddy Jack Pringle, felt terrible. It was a sad time for Heels fans.

That is when we learned of UNC's prized recruit for next year. The Savior, 2002 National High School Player of the Year, Raymond Felton, of Latta South Carolina, would be playing in the High School State Championship game in Columbia at the Carolina Colliseum.

We got tickets and went to the game.

Felton was supposed to be good. Felton: earned first-team All-America honors from USA Today, Parade, Sporting News and Basketball America; led Latta High to back-to-back state championships and a 104-9 record during his career, earning Mr. Basketball in South Carolina as a junior and senior; established the state career scoring record with 2,992 points; set a state record with 117 3-point field goals as a senior; averaged 30.8 points, 7.7 assists and 3.9 steals per game as a senior; also played football (quarterback and safety) and baseball (pitcher and shortstop) for two years in high school; ran the 100 meters one year; led the state in interceptions as a sophomore on the football field; and was named to the all-state academic team as a senior.

Was Felton really that good, or did he just dominate the smaller schools of South Carolina 1A Basketball?

Felton was that good and broke fellow Irmo Yellowjacket B.J. McKie's finals scoring record by scoring 45 points with 10 assists and six steals in the 2002 South Carolina Class 1A championship game.

We left the game elated and re-energized about Tarheel basketball.

Ever since that day, Raymond Felton has been my favorite B-ball player.

I followed Felton as he played for the Heels and even had to drive to Clemson to watch him play.

In his freshman year, he was voted Carolina Player of the Year and ACC Freshman of the Week three times, had 236 assists, and averaged 12.0 points a game.

During his sophomore year, Felton was a finalist for the Bob Cousy Award and the Naismith Award, and had 213 assists, led the Tar Heels in steals (63) and free throw percentage (81%) while averaging 11.5 points per game.

In his third and final season at North Carolina, Felton averaged 12.9 points and 6.9 assists per game and led the Tar Heels along with fellow juniors Rashad McCants and Sean May and freshman Marvin Williams to the 2005 National Championship over the University of Illinois on April 4, 2005 in St. Louis, the 5th Title in UNC's history (1924, 1957, 1982, 1993, 2005).

I previously posted a photo of my Championship Game poster where Felton is shown dribbling the ball shortly after tip-off against Illinois(link).

What no-one seemed to notice is that I got Felton to autograph that poster.



Felton Left UNC after winning the National Championship his junior year and was selected 5th overall in the 2005 NBA Draft by the Charlotte Bobcats. Just as he did for the Latta Vikings, Felton now wears jersey No. 20 as a professional. In his rookie season in the NBA he averaged 11.9 PPG, 3.3 RPG, 5.6 APG while splitting time with veteran point guard Brevin Knight.

Felton is a great basketball player and great South Carolinian. Felton has never been in trouble and gives back to the Latta community(link).

This Year, Felton will be a starter for the Bobcats and the Bobcats are his team. I have drafted Felton on all of my fantasy NBA teams and I really think the Bobcats can make the playoffs (if they stay healthy).

Felton Fun Fact: Felton first began dribbling a basketball at age two.

Popmommy's Funeral

My last remaining grandparent, Popmommy, died last week at the age of 93 and we went to the funeral this past weekend.

Popmommy's eyesight and general health had declined in the past few years, but her mind had not. Everyone saw the end coming and all family and friends had been to visit her in the weeks before she died. Because everyone had already said their goodbyes and knew that Popmommy was ready to leave us, the entire weekend became a celebration of her life.

Here is Popmommy's obituary.

NEWNAN, Ga. — Elizabeth Cherry Davis, of Peachtree City/Newnan, passed away Wednesday, October 18, 2006, at home surrounded by family, three days after her 93rd birthday. Mrs. Davis, known to her many friends and family as “Lib” or “GG” or “Pop Mommy” was a Renaissance woman. She was born and raised in Estill Springs, Tenn., lived a large part of her life with her husband, Jack, in Birmingham, Ala., and spent her post-retirement years in the Peachtree City/Newnan area. She was a prolific reader who collected, over her lifetime, a wide spectrum of books that numbered in the many thousands. She was an exceptional bridge player for decades, having earned various masters points. Her reputation as a linguist, a crossword aficionado and a Scrabble player was well known. It was claimed by Scrabble opponents that she knew every word in the English dictionary. She could discuss at great length subjects as diverse as politics, sports, music, religion, classical and modern literature, history or the latest computer game. She was a successful businesswoman who held a number of management positions in the Birmingham area. In addition, she was the president of several service clubs and charities. She was a member of New Hope Baptist Church South in Senoia. However, her greatest joy came in seeing her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren grow and prosper. She was the matriarch of a large family that lives throughout the southern states. She is survived by son, Jim (Evelyn) Davis, of Newnan; daughter, Judy (Tom) Turnipseed of Columbia, S.C.; grandchildren, Dodd Davis of Greenville, S.C., Paige Mathis of Chattanooga, Tenn., Jeff Turnipseed of Columbia, S.C., Jeny Mathis of Atlanta, Matt West of Sharpsburg, and Melisse Fetherston of Sharpsburg; beloved niece, Libby (Tommy) Blair of Chattanooga, Tenn.; nephew, Mike Powers of Savannah; sister-in-law and brother-in law, Dorothy and Earl Brooks, of Hilton Head Island, S.C.; and 15 great-grandchildren, Haley, Zack, McCay, Zack, Jackson, Sarah, Madeline, Davis, Brooks, Elliot, Sam, Lauryn, Gunner, Tate and Philip.

Friday, Cyndy and I drove 3 and 1/2 hours to Peachtree City, an Atlanta suburb, for the Visitation. During the visitation, I asked my cousins if they remembered the scary puppet that had been at Popmommy's house the we used to visit in Birmingham growing up. The puppet was green with a black cape and top hat and one giant tooth. My cousin Paige replied, "Oh Mr. Sweet Tooth" and told me that she has Mr. Sweet Tooth now at her home in Chattanooga, Tenn.

Friday night we drove 45 minutes to my sister's house in Atlanta and spent the night.

Saturday morning we drove 45 minutes back to Peachtree City for the funeral. All 4 grandchildren were asked to speak about Popmommy.

I talked about how I had named Popmommy as a small child (She lived with my grandfather, "Pop", so the name seemed logical).

I talked about how fun it was to travel to Birmingham as a child because TV shows came on an hour earlier there and I described Mr. Sweet Tooth.

Popmommy loved to tell stories and she loved to tell me about some little frog toy that creeped me out as a child. Apparently the frog felt wierd and toddler Jeff would shiver when he touched it. Popmommy loved to tell me how they used to make me touch the frog, repeatedly, and laugh at me when I shivered. Popmommy told me the story, again, the last time I talked to her and she, again, laughed at the memory of creeping out her grandson and watching him shiver.

When I finished speaking and was walking back to my seat, my Uncle Jim, announced,

"I will give $1,000 for Mr. Sweet Tooth!"

My cousin Paige's husband, Michael, raised his hand and shouted "Sold!"

The funeral ended at noon and we had 4 hours to make it to the interment at the cemetary in Birmingham, AL, where my grandfather, Pop, is buried.

Cyndy and I rode with my sister Jeny and her husband, Gil. Gil and I were pallbearers. There was much discussion about where to eat on the way to Birmingham and how much time we had. Gil was craving fried Okra and insisted that we had time to eat at Cracker Barrel and that Popmommy would have wanted us to cut it close on the time and have an adventure.

After stuffing myself with country fried steak and fried okra, I fell asleep in the car.

When I woke, the adventure was in progress, as we had just reached Birmingham and had about 15 minutes to make it to the cemetary. We made it with 5 minutes to spare.

When it was all over, someone said that they had heard that Bear Bryant was buried in the same cemetary. I walked up to the three guys in the truck that was parked in the distance waiting for us to leave so that they could bury Popmommy. They confirmed that Bear Bryant was indeed buried in block 30, but we never went to look.

We drove 3 hours back to Atlanta and then 3 1/2 hours back to Columbia, arriving just before midnight.

Popmommy always told me "You are never too old/big to love your grandmother."

These were my last words to her.

You Are Such A #@$%ing Lier!

During an interview on ABC’s This Week, George Stephanopoulos asked President Bush about James Baker’s plan to develop a strategy for Iraq that is “between ’stay the course’ and ‘cut and run.’”

Bush responded, "We’ve never been stay the course, George!"

What?(link)

JJ Redick Gets His Wish

JJ Redick was one of the most feared, and definitely the most hated, college basketball player in the country last year.

JJ would often cry in interviews about how mean some of the fans were to him when they called him names such as "Gay-Gay". How JJ wished to be loved by the fans.

Last night, Redick made his NBA debut for the Orlando Magic in pre-season action.

The reigning college player of the year received a boisterous ovation from the crowd of 13,781 upon checking into the game late in the second quarter.

JJ was scoreless in 12 minutes, making him the only player of the 22 who got into the game who didn't score. He missed both of his shot attempts, one of them a 3-pointer from the wing.

"It was nice to get out there, but it would have been really nice to have hit a shot," joked Redick, whose playing time was limited by doctors. "The guys (on the bench) kept screaming at me to shoot the ball, but I didn't want to force anything."

JJ's wish has come true.

JJ has gone from hated to:

The one they all cheer for;

The little white guy sitting on the end of the bench who only gets to play in the final minutes of a lopsided game;

The autistic kid who serves as ball-boy for 3 and 1/2 years and finally gets to play the last 10 minutes of the final game.

Listen to them cheer:

"JJ!" "JJ!"

The magic are up by 20 with 2 minutes left and the crowd wants you.

"JJ! "JJ!"

They want you to jack up a 3-pointer at the buzzer so that you will have scored

"JJ!" "JJ!"

They love you now.

My 70's Memories - Sweet Tooth Sam

Can't go into a lot of detail right now about this scary puppet from my childhood, except to say that I have located and am working on gaining possession of Sweet Tooth Sam.

Fox Tree Farm

Sam's class took a trip to Fox Tree Farm, in Lexington South Carolina where the kids got to pick pumpkins and see and pet farm animals.

Haiku - Military Commissions Act

Holy Shit! There goes
the Fifth and Sixth Amendments
See Ya in Git-Mo

My 70's Memories - Cinnamon Toothpicks

Do you remember Cinnamon Toothpicks? We used to make them and chew them.

You put cinnamon oil in a container and then fill it with toothpicks and let them soak overnight(the longer they soak, the hotter they will be).

The hotter that you could make and chew the toothpicks, the cooler you were.

I remember one time Steve Peay found some long forgotten Cinnamon Toothpicks in his house on Trafalgar in Whitehall that had been soaking for weeks. They were wicked hot.

Kid Tip - Stardoll.com

Stardoll.com is a celebrity and dress up site aimed at girls (and boys) between 7 and 17, where your child can choose among a huge variety of celebrity dolls that he or she can dress up in a variety of ways.

Stardoll.com is free and is Madeline's favorite web site.

Where else can your child dress up and/or put make-up on: Ashton Hutcher, Eva Longoria, the Olsen Twins; Bo Bice; Gwen Stefani; David Beckham; Ronaldino; Paris Hilton; and Sharon Osbourne.

Stardoll.com(link)

Count The Faces

Click to enlarge, then count the faces.

Tell how many faces you counted in a comment.

School of Flop - The Game

Remember the Jack Black Movie, School of Rock?

I have an idea for a new movie, staring former Duke basketball player Shane Battier, called:

SCHOOL OF FLOP

I promise this is the last installment.

If you haven't read parts 1 through 4, here they are:
Intoduction
The Duke Years
A Challenge
Flop Coach

Hey, this is former Duke basketball player and current Houston Rocket, Shane Battier.

You may remember me from my college career at Duke, simply as "Ridge Head" or "Klingon Head", but I am also known as "Flop-ee-aa" or "King of Flop"

Part V - Another Night at the Office for the King Of Flop

Announcer - Tonight, Shane and his Houston Rockets are hosting the Atlanta Hawks. I am aboard the Hawks' bus as it makes its way to the Arena.

Announcer leans over to a Hawk player who seems angry at being disturbed and pulls the Ipod buds out of his ears -

"Do you have a plan to counter the flopping of Battier?"

Hawk Player, "Battier is a chump....

Thud !

The Bus hits something and the driver slams on the brakes, the bus stops. All the players and coaches look around bewildered.

There is a knock on the door. The driver opens the door and a referee steps onto the bus and blows his whistle. The player who was being interviewed pokes his head out of the window to see Battier lying on his back in front of the bus, pumping his fists in the air.

As the referee is calling a charging foul on the entire Hawks team, the interviewed player screams out "Batttttiiiiieeeerrrr!"

The scene is now inside the arena. The crowd is electric as the Rockets are being introduced. Tracy McGrady is intoduced and he runs out and gives the other players high fives. Then Yao Ming is introduced to even more applause as he runs out and gives the other players high fives. Finally, Battier is intoduced to a cresindo of applause as he comes sliding out onto the court, backwards, on his butt, as if he had just drawn an offensive charging foul. The other players bend down and he gives them high fives as he slides past.

The camera is focused on Shane as the national anthem is being played. He proudly sings along. As the National Anthem ends, the camera shifts to the Hawks bench, where the Hawk players are standing and looking tough while the anthem playes, not singing.

When the Anthem ends, the Hawk players all sit down on the bench.

The referee then runs over, and again, calls the entire team for a charging foul.

They are pissed and they all stand back up, bewildered. Then they all look behind them at the same time and Battier is lying on his back, on the Hawks' bench pumping his fists in the air.

The entire game is then shown in a series of sports center type clips, all Battier flops where the opposing player is called for an offensive foul.

The game is very close. At the end of the game, the Hawks are winning 99 to 98. There is only .4 seconds left on the clock and it is the Rockets' ball at half court.

The Rockets are in the Huddle.

Yao Ming says "Lob the ball inside to me."

Tracy McGrady says "No, get the ball to me."

Shane Battier says "No, throw the ball to the other team."

The players go back on the court and the referee hands the ball to the Rocket throwing it in. The players from both teams are running all over the court, fighting for position. The referee is counting 2, 3, 4,...

The Rocket player throws the ball directly to a Hawk player who catches it.

The buzzer sounds and the Hawks start to celebrate. Then the referee runs out and calls an offensive foul on the player who caught the ball. It is the same player who was interviewd on the bus. As the camera pans down to Battier, lying on his back and pumping his fists, The Hawks player again screams,

"BBBaaattttiiieeerrr!!!!!"

Roll credits.