Yucky Energy Drink

I love energy drinks and have sung their praises many times on Turnipblog: Monster(link), Crunk(link)

Today, on the way to my Sunday soccer game, I tried a new energy drink, Von Dutch Energy.

It was terrible. It was so bad I would have drunk a diet cola just to get the Von Dutch taste out of my mouth.

Eeyachk!

Have You Heard Your Hip Today?

Ok, the official Turnipblog Band is The Tragically Hip.

There is a link to The Hip's web site in the Turnipblog Links Section (in the sidebar on the right), where you can listen to a new, different, live Hip song every day.

If you are too lazy to look in the sidebar, here is the Hip web site(link).

It's Good for You.

Pickler v McPhee

There is no doubt that Katharine is a better singer,

There is no doubt Katharine is smarter,

There is no doubt that Katharine is less of a liar,

There is no doubt that Pickler is a bigger embarrassment to the Carolinas.

The question here is:

Who is hotter?





The answer: Katharine! It is not even close.







Especially after this week's "Wardrobe Malfunction"

Idol Update - Tobacco Ice Eliminated

Finally, Sucky Suckler got eliminated.

I call her Tobacco Ice, because she is more of a fraud than Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice exploded onto the rap music scene in 1990 with the smash single "Ice Ice Baby". Despite his suburban up-bringing, Vanilla Ice tried to pass himself off as a "kid from the streets" to appeal towards the loyal rap audience. As it turned out, he acheived most of his success from the mainstream pop audience, and it was not long before his career hit a dead end, with most people veiwing him as a fraud.

Pickler, from Albermarle, NC, pretends to be a - southern idiot girl who never sang in front of people before, and her daddy's in jail and she don't know what calamari or spinach salad is or sal-mon is.

In reality, Pickler is a fake(link) who has sung in pageants and has probably hitched a ride with Aunt B. to a neighboring "Big City" like Mt. Pilot to eat at Olive Garden or Ruby Tuesdays where they serve calamari and spinach salads.

Pickler is almost as embarrasing to the Carolinas as Duke.


In This Post(link), on February 18, I stated:

"My favorites to win are Katharine, Paris and Chris."

Then in This Post(link), I stated:

"... if the producers could pull a few of his teeth and do something about his hair, Elliot could make it to the finals."

Well, The final 5 are: Katharine, Paris, Chris, a cleaned up Elliot, and Taylor.

America has gotten it right up to this point.

Duke Lacrosse Scandal

This Duke Lacrosse scandal is all over the news. It is too early to know all the details of what actually happened. Defense lawyers and prosecuters have been releasing misinformation, and the media are feeding the frenzy. There is no doubt that either the Lacrosse players or the alleged victim are lying.

I try not to rush to judgement until all the facts are in, and I know it is wrong, but I have formed an opinion on who is lying based on prejudices. I can't help but have questions about someone's truthfullness based on who that someone is, how they choose to live their life, and what they do with their life.


I know it is unfair, but, I just don't trust yankees who go to Duke.

You gotta see this.

Yahoo Searches have been referring many a reader to Turnipblog of late. So this post is a test. Here goes.

Natalie Holloway and Osama Bin Laden disappeared before gas prices went up and Wikipedia won't help you find them.

Turnipblog has a You Tube link. My father in law loves Deal Or No Deal. I don't care about the NFL Draft, I would rather read an American Idol recap.

Torie Spelling is horse-faced. I would much rather look at a Jessica Alba gallery , Katharine McPhee gallery, or Kelly Calabrese Gallery.

My Crock Pot Chicken.

Trust me on this, I am a Crock Pot Master.

Cut up some carrots and place them in the crock pot.

Get a chicken. Remove all the junk inside it and wash it and dry it.

Loosen the skin on the chicken with a knife and place fresh basil or rosemary under the skin and in the cavity of the chicken.

Rub butter all over the outside of the chicken and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Put chicken in crock pot, breast up, on top of carrots.

Add 1/2 white wine, 1/2 water until liquid just covers the carrots.

Cook on low all day. Eat with rice.

Why Me?

Right now, Styx is playing in Columbia at the 3 Rivers Music Festival. I didn't go. $25 for a one day ticket is too much, even for Styx and Little River Band.

Dennis De Young is not touring with Styx. He is at home, alone, wearing a blazer. Dennis walks by a clock and looks at the time. He knows that Styx is playing at that very moment in Columbia. Dennis slumps his shoulders. He walks over to the wall, the wall with all of his platinum albums. Dennis pulls down his "Kilroy Was Here" mask from the wall and holds it in his hands. He shuffles over to a chair and plops down in it. Dennis slumps down in the chair, still holding the mask in both hands. Dennis looks at the mask and starts to sing.

Sam's Toga?

This morning the kids were watching cartoons while I slept on the couch. They were watching "Aladdin" and Sam started demanding a sword. Madeline and I tried to convince Sam that Aladdin didn't fight using a sword, but rather used his his cunning and trickiness to defeat bad guys. He kept demanding a sword.

I was half-asleep and didn't have my contacts in, but I went up into the FROG and found a sword. Then Sam started asking for a belt. "Just stick the sword in your pants." I said. "No", Sam said "I need a belt". "You don't have a belt" I replied. "I want the red belt" Sam screamed.

The red belt is the tie to Madeline's robe. I went upstairs and found it and brought it to Sam. He wrapped it around his waist and stuck the sword in it and started running around.

Then, he stuck the end of the tie into his collar and said he was Hercules and asked for help tying the belt. We, again, told him that Hercules didn't use a sword, but he didn't care so I helped him. I guess he was wearing some sort of toga or tunic?

Great Lawyers - Becky Klemt

I am a lawyer. Lawyers sometimes can have a negative image in today's society. That is why I am introducing a new feature on Turnipblog, "Great Lawyers", where I will spotlight great lawyers of whom I am proud.

Becky Klemt is an attorney from Wyoming who wrote the famous Klemt letter in 1988. Here is an article about Becky Klemt(link).

Field Trip (click to enlarge)

Good Music - Truth

Truth is a Jeff Beck album that Rod Stewart sang on at the age of 24.

I write this post to put in perspective just how ridiculous Rod Stewart's comments were last night on American Idol (discussed in yesterday's Turnipblog post).

The History

The Yardbirds is a famous white boy blues band from England from the 60's. Any Rock Trivia person must be familiar with The Yardbirds' history of great guitarists; Jeff Beck replaced lead guitarist Eric Clapton, who was then replaced by Jimmy Page. Page and Beck were actually band mates for a six-month period in 1966. Then, depending on whom you believe, Beck either quit the group or was fired.

Beck moved on, seeking to create a “super group” featuring a heavier blues sound. Beck formed the Jeff Beck group, and in 1968 the group released their first album, Truth. The Jeff Beck Group featured a then relatively unknown 23 year old, Rod Stewart on vocals, Ron Wood on bass, and Mick Waller on drums. Beck also got legendary rock pianist Nicky Hopkins to guest on several tracks, and even future Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones appears on organ.

Jeff Beck is known, by music geeks, as one of the best guitar players of all time. Beck is not as well known as Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, or Jimi Hendrix because Beck can't sing, write songs, or keep a band together. Sure enough, after a second album (Beck-ola), Rod Stewart and Ron Wood quit the band in 1969. They joined the Small Faces, who became The Faces. Ron Wood later joined The Rolling Stones as a guitar player, and Stewart went on to a successful solo career.


The Significance of Truth

Many people consider Truth the first heavy metal album, preceding the early Led Zeppelin albums, with which it has much in common in terms of its approach. That approach = a combination of wailing vocals by Rod Stewart, the thunderous rhythm section of Ron Wood's bass and Mickey Waller's drums, and Beck's blistering lead guitar.

Truth established Jeff Beck as a star in his own right and brought Rod Stewart to a wider audience. It also established the group in the US and had a major impact on Jimmy Page who was in the process of putting together Led Zeppelin and developing the sound.

Truth was released several months before Led Zeppelin shipped their first album. Jimi Page used Truth as a blue print for Led Zeppelin's sound, as Beck 'n' company belted out blues-based hard rock. Truth has a cover of "You Shook Me", and so does Led Zeppelin I.

Truth was a launching pad of three Rock legends and an important piece in the history of rock. Others may have perfected the heavy metal sound, but Truth is where it all began.

Rod Stewart not telling "Truth"

Tonight Rod Stewart was on American Idol, working with the 7 finalists on American Standards.

On more than one occasion, Rod said something to the effect that he couldn't have possibly done what the Idol contestants were doing at such a young age.

I screamed at the TV, "What are you talking about?"

Here are the ages of the remaining male contestants: Ace = 25, Chris = 26, Elliot = 27, and Taylor 28.

Rod Stewart signed his first recording contract and released his first single in 1964, at the age of 19.

In 1968, at the age of 24, Rod was asked to join The Jeff Beck Group and sang on the album "Truth". This is a Classic Rock Album that made it to #15 on the Billboard Charts.

It is pretty sad when I know more Rock Trivia about Rod Stewart than Rod himself does.

Limo Livin - More Wedding Photos (BPD)

Introducing Limo Livin - a short series of posts about my experiences riding around in a limo at the Flowers-Spencer Wedding.

The limo had stars on the roof(photo at right).

Other than that, I am out of limo stories, but here is an early morning limo photo of me, Jeff P. and Brian D.
The real reason for this post is the overwhelming demand from Turnipblog readers for more wedding photos. Here are some from the reception. (click to enlarge).





Kelly Spencer says - "Hey Jeff! Its my first visit to your blog - awesome! You can preview some wedding pics online by visiting www.weddingprints.com. Event name is Kelly & Leon. Date is 3/25/06. Password is love."

Haiku Defined

Listen up.

Here is the most popular definition of Haiku and the officially accepted Turnipblog definition of Haiku.

Haiku

A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.

So, here goes:

Get off of my ass
I know two Japanese words
"Haiku", "Ku-ba-say"

Ku-ba-say(link)

What's The Name of That Song

It is a classic Bert and Ernie skit from Sesame Street. Ernie wakes Bert up because he has a song stuck in his head and can't remember the name of the song. Then they sing "La-de-da-de-da La-de-da-de-da, What's the name of that song". Then Bert has the song stuck in his head and can't go to sleep.

Well the same thing has happened to me. No, I don't sleep in the same bed as another dude, I have a song stuck in my head and I don't know the name of the song, or who performs it. It is an instrumental funk song from the 70's that I hear all the time, but they never tell the name of the song or who performs it.

Doo-du-lu-doo Doo-du-loo-doo Doo-du-lu-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-du-doo-doo, What's the name of that song?

Please tell me the name of the song and who performs it.

Good Eats - Anchor Line

Do you like fried seafood?

If so, the best fried seafood that I know of can be found at The Anchor Line in Folly Beach, South Carolina.


The Anchor Line is a Good Friday staple with my family. I recommend a platter with shrimp and shark.

You can also get grilled seafood at Anchor Line, but why would you?

Best Cartoons Ever - Flaming Moe

Of course my favorite Simpsons episoded makes the list of Greatest Cartoons Ever.

The Flaming Moe is a drink Homer Simpson concocts when Moe's Tavern runs out of Duff beer one night.

The Recipe = Tequila, Schnapps, Crème de Menthe and the secret ingredient: Krusty Non-Narkotik Kough Syrup. Once the liquors are mixed, the drink is set aflame.

Moe claims the drink as his own and gets rich and Homer gets mad. Moes Tavern becomes like Cheers.

Random Lines I love:

Kent Brockman on Eye on Springfield: We'll watch Springfield's oldest man meet Springfield's fattest man." Homer: "He's not so fat."

The profesor guy tests a Flaming Moe and determines that, "The secret ingredient is... LOVE!''"

At dinner Lisa asks if she can have a "Virgin Moe"

Homer tells Moe "You just lost yourself a customer.", but Moe can't hear him over the clinging cash registers.

The guest star is Aerosmith.

A business man representing a chain of bars called Tipsy McStaggers walks in and offers Moe a million dollars for the recipe. A drunk Homer reveals the secret ingredient quasimoto style from the rafters and order is restored as every bar starts serving the drink.

When the weight of the world has got you down
and you want to end your life.

Bills to pay, a dead-end job,
and problems with the wife.

But don't throw in the tow'l,
'cuz there's a place right down the block...

Where you can drink your misery away...

At Flaming Moe's.... (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)

When liquor in a mug (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)
can warm you like a hug. (Flaming Moe's...)

And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...

Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...

Space Update - Yuri's Night

Today is known by Space Geeks as "Yuri's Night". On this date in 1961, Russian Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first human to travel into space, as well as orbit the Earth.

After the flight, Gagarin became an instant, worldwide celebrity, touring widely to promote the Soviet achievement.

That was 45 years ago, during the Cold War, and the USA was pissed because The USSR beat us into space (Click to enlarge the newspaper below for details).

Haiku - Spring

Head hurts, I'm crying
Snot flows freely like water
Man, allergies suck

Kid Tip - Embassy Suites

Have you ever sat on the cold hard floor of a hotel bathroom, with the door shut, watching Scrubs re-runs on a 9-inch TV/VCR combo that you bought for the kids to watch in the mini-van, while your child was asleep on one of the hotel beds?

Well we have. Or rather we did. Now we no longer have that problem. Staying with kids in a normal hotel room just doesn't work very well unless everyone goes to bed at the same time.

The solution = You can stick the kid in a closet like my sister does, or you can stay at Embassy Suites. It costs a little more, but you get; two seperate rooms with a door between them; a pull-out-couch-bed in the entry room, TVs in both rooms, free liquor or beer from 5 to 7 pm every day, and free breakfast every day.

Sitcom Myers in Suckyness

Do you know who Seth Meyers is?

Seth (photo at right) is one of the cast of Saturday Night Live. Seth portrayed Senator John Kerry during the 2004 Presidential election. Seth also plays recurring characters including: the elaborately insulting scientist Dr. Dave Klinger a.k.a “Zinger”; Dan Needler who with wife Sally (Amy Poehler) are “the couple that should be divorced.”; Ian Gerard, the pun-loving British entertainment journalist host of “Spy Glass”; and the unflappable receptionist in the “Appalachian Emergency Room.”

Seth is pretty funny right?

Now imagine that there is a successful and very funny sitcom.

Now imagine that the main character on the sitcom quits. Not only that, but one of the other characters on the sitcom, the only actor on the show with a career outside of the sitcom, also quits.

Well, what if Seth Myer had a younger brother who was far less talented and not at all funny?

And, what if the producers of the abovementioned sitcom, instead of calling it quits, decided to jump-the-shark(link) and bring the sitcom back for one final season, replacing the two departed actors with the less talented and not-at-all-funny younger brother of Seth Myer?

It is all true.

The brother really exists and his name is Josh Myer (photo at right). The sitcom is That 70's Show and it has become unwatchable as Josh's character "Randy" has replaced Eric and Kelso.

Interesting aside = This season every episode of That 70's Show is named after a Queen song; season before that, Rolling Stones songs; season before that, Who songs; season before that, Led Zeppelin songs.

Mocking a Genius.

My freshman year of college I lived in Teague dorm. Teague had a very small and grubby "lounge" that no one ever used, consisting of two chairs, a love seat, and a television.

My friend Vic would sometimes spend the night in the lounge, staying up all night watching TV.

One night I hung out in the lobby and found that Vic wasn't staying up all night waiting for the sun to rise. He was waiting for something else. Something that happened at 5:00 a.m.

A show.

A show that was the brain-child of a genius, Reverend Robert Tilton.

The name of the show was "Success in Life".

Success In Life was a "How To..." show, and, as the name implies, Reverend Tilton told people how to be successful in life.

You didn't have to watch the show more than once to figure out how to be successful in life.

You really didn't need to watch the show for five minutes to learn how to be successful in life.

All you really had to do to be successful in life was send Reverend Tilton money.

People would mail in "prayer requests" with the money. At the end of the show, Tilton would have his arms full of prayer requests and would start acting crazy and reading out the requests on the air, really fast. During the last few seconds of the show he still had his arms full. Not wanting the requests to be unanswered, Tilton would throw the requests to the ground and roll all over them, somehow needing only to touch each request to pray for it.

Vic would be doubled over with laughter pointing at the screen.

Here is a video Mocking A Genius(link). It is funny.

Limo Livin - Tommy Shaw

Introducing Limo Livin - a short series of posts about my experiences riding around in a limo at the Flowers-Spencer Wedding.

Sometimes being a rock-trivia freak is a curse.

I was a groomsman in my friend Leon's wedding. The wedding party got to ride from a hotel to the Georgetown Chapel in a limo. There was family and groomsmen and bridesmaids.

One of the Bridesmaids in the limo was named Lorelei. I had met her before, at a shower, but only learned her name at the reheasal dinner the night before the limo ride. From the moment I heard her name, I wondered if she knew that there was a Styx song that shared her name. I was sitting next to Lorelei in the limo and finally had to ask her about the Styx song. She had heard of the song, and even sang a snippet. Then someone asked what year the song came out.

Thinking out loud, I said "Well it was before Tommy Shaw joined the band in 1975, so it must have been like 1974 or earlier." Everyone looked at me like, "Who is Tommy Shaw and why do you know anything about Styx."

I started thinking about Styx and Tommy Shaw as we rode around in the limo. Everyone should know the history of Styx and Tommy Shaw, for it is a classic tale with a tragic hero.

Styx, fronted by Cheeseball Dennis DeYoung, started sometime in the early 70's and pretty much sucked up through 1975 (including the song Lorelei).

Then, Styx guitar player left the band and they asked Tommy Shaw, a skinny, weak chinned, guitar player from Alabama, to join the band for the Equinox tour.

Immediately Tommy had an impact Styx, not only as a guitar player, but as a singer/songwriter also. Tommy wrote and sang the title track to his first album with Styx, Crystal Ball (1976).

Styx's breakout album The Grand Illusion was released in 1977 and Tommy wrote and sang several songs on the album, including Man in The Wilderness and Angry Young Man.

In 1978, Styx released Pieces of Eight and again Tommy rocked with Blue Collar Man and Renegade.

In 1981 Styx released their only album to make it to #1, Paradise Theatre. I still remember the video for Tommy's Too Much Time On My Hands.

In 1983, Styx somehow followed up Paradise Theatre with the terrible album Kilroy Was Here. After the tour, Tommy quit Styx because Dennis DeYoung had totally taken over the artistic direction of the band and that direction was Cheese-ville. (Mr. Roboto)

The irony of Tommy leaving Styx for being too cheesy is that Tommy's career itself turned to utter gouda in 1984 with the release of his first solo album featuring the hit Girls With Guns.

Then, in 1990, Tommy had a craving for more cheese. He went out and found the two cheesiest hair-metal musicians on the planet, Ted Nugent and Jack Blades (former bass player and singer for Nightranger). They formed the super-cheesy supergroup Damn Yankees and had a hit with High Enough, which Tommy co-wrote.

Sometime later, Tommy admitted that he was a hopeless cheese-bag and rejoined Styx, who are still touring today, playing at State Fairs, 20 years after having any sort of radio airplay whatsoever.

There you have it. The tragic story of the career of Tommy Shaw.

From now on, whenever I see a limo, I'll wonder if maybe ... just maybe ... Tommy is inside.

TiVo Update - American Idol

It was Country Week on Idol and the contestants pretty much sucked. Mandisa got eliminated and the far less talented Bucky and Pickler remain. Mandisa was a good singer, but her butt looks like two bulldogs fighting in a sack.

Ok, How freaked out were you when you learned that the "country dude" on American Idol this week was Kenny Rogers? To say he looks different would be an understatement.

Limo Livin - Chicken Dance Has Words

Limo Livin - a short series of posts about my experiences riding around in a limo at the Flowers-Spencer Wedding.

I was a groomsman in my friend Leon's wedding. After the wedding, The wedding party got to ride in a limo from the wedding to Ft. Myer, for the reception. There was beer and champagne flowing in the limo. Leon's parents were in the limo. We drank and talked for about 20 or 25 minutes.

Leon's mom is from Germany. We were talking in the limo and somehow the Chicken Dance came up in conversation and Leon's mom told us that The Chicken Dance is a German song and actually has words. She even sang a few verses for us.


Now whenever I am at a wedding, or father/daughter dance, or our tailgate spot has a really grubby band, and I hear the Chicken Dance, I will think of Leon's mom (at far right in photo) and tell some stranger sitting or standing nearby, "Hey, this is a real German song and actually has words."

1:02:03, 4/05/06

It is 1:02:03, 4/05/06.

The Six Degrees of Gamecock

Flake logic = At the end of every College Football season my friend Richard Flake made a undeniable case as South Carolina as the true National Champs because USC beat a team, who beat a team ...

... who had a higher margin of victory against a common opponent, than the more widely recognized National Champion.

Congratulations to the NCAA Tournament Champion Florida Gators, including Billy Donovan (photo at right) and Noah.

Little known fact = Noah comes from a famous family - his great-great-great-grandfather built The Biblical Ark.

Of course, if you apply Flake logic, The Gamecocks are the real National Champions because they beat Florida twice this year.

I know what you are thinking Clemson and Georgia fan,

"We beat the Gamecocks, so we are really #1."

Sorry, that is not the way it works - you still suck.

Pirate Party

Sam's Pirate Birthday Party saturday was a huge success.

Everyone had to "Walk the Plank" to get a pirate hat (or princess tiara).

Gammy made a cake.

And the kids played pin the eye-patch on the pirate (my artwork patterned after Captain Feathersword himself).

There was a treasure chest of goody bags sitting on the table during the party, but it disappeared while the kids were eating cake and ice cream. In it's place was a clue (a photograph of a hiding place nearby).

When the kids found that hiding place, there was another clue (photograph of another hiding place) ...

There were many clues, and near the end of the treasure hunt, Karina was running way ahead of the younger kids, with all the photos in her hand.

Then, in her haste, Karina started running towards a tree in the wrong direction. James figured out the right direction, and by the time Karina and Madeline caught up, Sam actually spotted the treasure chest first.