Great Lawyers - Lionel Hutz

Lionel Hutz is the incompetent lawyer from the Simpsons, voiced by the late Phil Hartman. Lionel Hutz's law office is in the Springfield Shopping Mall and is called "I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm".

Although known for being an attorney, Hutz, who was at one time married to Marge's sister Selma, is also a babysitter, agent, bodyguard, unauthorized biographer, realtor, cobbler, and possibly a drug dealer.

The character was retired after Hartman's murder in 1998, as well as his other main character Troy McClure. Lionel Hutz still appears in clip shows and flashbacks, as well as crowd scenes, but only in non-speaking roles.

His first appearance was the second-season episode "Bart Gets Hit by a Car," and his final speaking role was in the ninth season's "Realty Bites."

The episode where Hutz defends Marge for Shoplifting is one of my favorites.

Scenes from Marge's Trial:

Opening Statements
Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive. Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Prosecutor: Your Honor, I'm so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt, that I can waste the court's time rating the superhunks.
Hutz: Ooohh. He's gonna' win.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!

Cross examining Apoo, the Prosecution's star Witness
Hutz: Now Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name.
Have you ever forgotten anything?
Apu: No. In fact I can recite pi to 40,000 places.
And the last digit is 1.
Homer: Mmm... pie.
Hutz: Well if you never forget anything. Tell me this. What color tie am I wearing? [turns around]
Apu: You are wearing a red and white club tie in a half-windsor knot.
Hutz: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that's what you think, I have something to tell you [ugh]. Something which may shock and discredit you [ugh]. And that thing is as follows [as he finally undoes the whole tie]. I'm not wearing a tie at all. [jury gasps]
Apu: If I am wrong about that. Maybe I am wrong about Mrs. Simpson.
Hutz: No further questions. [Hutz raises his arm and the tie is sticking out of his sleeve]

Waiting for Verdict
Hutz: Kids, I have a crazy feeling your mother's not going to prison.
Bart & Lisa: Yay!
Lisa: You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow!
Hutz: Uh...wasn't he the black guy on The Mod Squad?
Bart: Mr. Hutz when I grow up I want to be a lawyer just like you.
Hutz: Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
[Hutz imagines a scene of people of all nationalities (plus Elvis) holding hands and dancing around in a circle under a rainbow]
Hutz: Argh.

More Hutz Quotes:

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

Hutz discussing the judge
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."