Another Soccer Player is Born

One reason that I started playing Soccer is because my parents knew absolutely nothing about it and couldn't try to teach me how to play in the yard...(link)

Haiku - Tragically Hip Concert in USA

Maple Leaf Jerseys
Canadian Sausage Fest
Hip Show in U.S.

Optical Illusion - Wacky Square

Scroll the image up and down your monitor. Does the square move?

I Get It Now!

Have you ever seen bits and pieces of a television show and you really couldn't figure out what was going on, so you decide that you don't like the show?

There was a show that was like that for me until one day last week when I happened to catch the very first episode, the "pilot" if you will.

After seeing this first episode where the characters are introduced and the basic premise of the show is laid out, I now understand and like the show. In fact, I have watched this show every day since.

And the theme song of the show is awesome.

Kid Tip - Mixed CD's For Kids - 1969

It is a common problem. The music that you like is inappropriate for children and/or your kids hate your music. Likewise, kids music makes you want to puke.

The Solution - My Mixed CD's For Kids (or kid friendly (or (kf))) cd's.

One of my kids' favorite cd's is 1969(kf). I made this cd to show my kids that the music on the radio the year that I was born is much better than today's music.

1. Sugar Sugar - The Archies
2. Guitarzan - Ray Stevens
3. Cinnamon - Derek
4. You Showed Me - The Turtles
5. Get Together - The Youngbloods
6. Wedding Bell Blues - Fifth Dimension
7. Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye) - Steam
8. Daddy Sang Bass - Johnny Cash
9. These Eyes - The Guess Who
10. Badge - Cream
11. My Cherie Amor - Stevie Wonder
12. Cripple Creek - The Band
13. Can't Find My Way Home - Blind Faith
14. Everyday People - Sly Stone
15. Space Oddity - David Bowie
16. Suite Judy Blue Eyes - CSN
17. Clouds - Judy Collins
18. See Me, Feel Me - The Who
19. Here Come The Sun - Beatles
20. You Can't Always Get What You Want - Rolling Stones

Duke values $ over Academic Integrity

Is it fair to a high school graduate applying for college when they get rejected and a less qualified applicant gets into a University because they are a great athlete?

Is it even less fair when less qualified applicants get into a University because they are rich?

That is what happens at Duke.

Despite her boarding-school education and a personal tutor, Maude Bunn's SAT scores weren't high enough for a typical student to earn admission to Duke University.

But Ms. Bunn had something else going for her -- coffeemakers. Her Bunn forebears built a fortune on them and, with Duke hoping to woo her wealthy parents as donors, she was admitted.

Duke bends admissions standards to make space for children from rich or influential families that lack longstanding ties to the University. Through referrals and word-of-mouth, Duke identifies applicants from well-to-do families. Then, as soon as these students enroll, Duke starts soliciting gifts from their parents.

The formal practice of giving preference to students whose parents are wealthy is called "development admits". Duke has been particularly aggressive in snaring donors through admissions breaks. Widely considered one of the nation's top ten universities, Duke accepts 23% of its applicants and turns down more than 600 high-school valedictorians a year. Three-fourths of its students score above 1320 out of a perfect 1600 on the SATs.

Yet in recent years, Duke says it has relaxed these standards to admit 100 to 125 students annually as a result of family wealth or connections, up from about 20 a decade ago. These students aren't alumni children and were tentatively rejected, or wait-listed, in the regular admissions review.

The strategy appears to be paying off. For the last six years, Duke says it has led all universities nationwide in unrestricted gifts to its annual fund from nonalumni parents.

Students admitted for development reasons are held to the same lesser standard as some top athletes; not whether they can excel, but whether they can graduate.

The system at Duke works this way: Through its own network and names supplied by trustees, alumni, donors and others, the development office identifies about 500 likely applicants with rich or powerful parents who are not alumni. (Children of major alumni donors are given similar preference in a separate process.) It cultivates them with campus tours and basic admissions advice; for instance, applying early increases their chances. It also relays the names to the admissions office, which returns word if any of the students forget to apply -- so development can remind them.

The development office then winnows the initial 500 into at least 160 high-priority applicants. Although these names are flagged in the admissions-office computer, admissions readers evaluate them on merit, without regard to family means. About 30 to 40 are accepted, the others tentatively rejected or wait-listed. During an all-day meeting in March, Mr. Guttentag and John Piva Jr., senior vice president for development, debate these 120 cases, weighing their family's likely contribution against their academic shortcomings.

Once these children of privilege enroll, the development office enlists their parents as donors and fund raisers.

Cissy Bunn acknowledges her daughter didn't fit the academic profile of a Duke student. "She's bright, she had good grades, but she doesn't meet the superstar status," Mrs. Bunn says. "Did my normal child take the place of somebody who could really make a difference in the world? Sure, yes, to an extent. But there are so many things you can lose sleep over. I'm happy for me and my child."

Kid Tip - TACTF

Give a child a fish, the fish will eventually end up decomposed on the bottom of the tank.

Teach a child to fish, you may get a good photo-op.

SCIway.net

SCIway, pronounced SKY-WAY, is an acronym for South Carolina Information Highway.

SCIway.net – is the largest directory of South Carolina information on the Internet. Links to South Carolina information are listed alphabetically from "Accomodations" to "Webcams".

The best thing about sciway.net is the free monthly south carolina e-mail newsletter that you can subscribe to. The newsletter keeps you up to date on upcoming events all across the state, like this weekend's Greek Festival in Columbia.

Here is the link to sciway.net(link).

Jen from Hi-5

Other Blogs Suck

I don't know if you really appreciate how great Turnipblog actually is. As blogs go, Turnipblog is top 90%.

Don't believe me, scroll to the top of the page and click on the "Next Blog" button on the right hand side. This button takes you to a random blog. Most of the other blogs fall into 5 suck-types:

1. Blog not in english;

2. Blog started and abandonded after a few posts (Turnipblog has been up and running for over a year.);

3. Blog is about politics:

4. Blog is the ranting, rambling and/or musings of an uninteresting person; and

5. Blog has too many words and not enough images and visuals.

So stop taking Turnipblog for granted!

Breathing Optical Illusion

For this one you need to scroll the image up and down your computer screen.

Haiku - Tour Bus

With Pot and Mushrooms
No One Could Just Wait To Be
On The Road Again

New Mission Statement

I visited a business the other day and discovered, to my amazement, that the business had a ridiculous "Mission Statement". This Mission Statement was so stupid and nebulous that I decided to steal it for Turnipblog. So here it is, Turnipblog's brand new Mission Statement:

"Consistently Create Encore Experiences That Enrich Lives One Person At A Time!!"

Freaky Lab Animals

Nothing creeps me out more than Freaky Lab Animals(link).

Every time I hear of another Freaky Lab Animal, I know we are getting that much closer to The End Times(link).

To learn more about Spider Goats (pictured at right),Here is a poll and who's who of freaky lab animals(link).

Real Life Lionel Hutz

Here is a 2 part video of a real life Lionel Hutz.

Lionel Hutz part 1

Lionel Hutz part 2

Great Lawyers - Lionel Hutz

Lionel Hutz is the incompetent lawyer from the Simpsons, voiced by the late Phil Hartman. Lionel Hutz's law office is in the Springfield Shopping Mall and is called "I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm".

Although known for being an attorney, Hutz, who was at one time married to Marge's sister Selma, is also a babysitter, agent, bodyguard, unauthorized biographer, realtor, cobbler, and possibly a drug dealer.

The character was retired after Hartman's murder in 1998, as well as his other main character Troy McClure. Lionel Hutz still appears in clip shows and flashbacks, as well as crowd scenes, but only in non-speaking roles.

His first appearance was the second-season episode "Bart Gets Hit by a Car," and his final speaking role was in the ninth season's "Realty Bites."

The episode where Hutz defends Marge for Shoplifting is one of my favorites.

Scenes from Marge's Trial:

Opening Statements
Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive. Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Prosecutor: Your Honor, I'm so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt, that I can waste the court's time rating the superhunks.
Hutz: Ooohh. He's gonna' win.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!

Cross examining Apoo, the Prosecution's star Witness
Hutz: Now Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name.
Have you ever forgotten anything?
Apu: No. In fact I can recite pi to 40,000 places.
And the last digit is 1.
Homer: Mmm... pie.
Hutz: Well if you never forget anything. Tell me this. What color tie am I wearing? [turns around]
Apu: You are wearing a red and white club tie in a half-windsor knot.
Hutz: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that's what you think, I have something to tell you [ugh]. Something which may shock and discredit you [ugh]. And that thing is as follows [as he finally undoes the whole tie]. I'm not wearing a tie at all. [jury gasps]
Apu: If I am wrong about that. Maybe I am wrong about Mrs. Simpson.
Hutz: No further questions. [Hutz raises his arm and the tie is sticking out of his sleeve]

Waiting for Verdict
Hutz: Kids, I have a crazy feeling your mother's not going to prison.
Bart & Lisa: Yay!
Lisa: You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow!
Hutz: Uh...wasn't he the black guy on The Mod Squad?
Bart: Mr. Hutz when I grow up I want to be a lawyer just like you.
Hutz: Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
[Hutz imagines a scene of people of all nationalities (plus Elvis) holding hands and dancing around in a circle under a rainbow]
Hutz: Argh.

More Hutz Quotes:

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

Hutz discussing the judge
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

Who is this?

Does anyone know who this is and why he was in the news this week in Columbia, SC?

Final Farewall Janelle

The Big Brother Finale was last night. Because Janelle won the $25,000 America's Choice award, I am going to give it one more shot:

A Final Farewell Janelle

On the BB Season Finale you won enough money to live for a year in a Hotel.

You started BB Allstars thin and ended the show looking like Botticelli's Venus rising from a shell.

Even though you gained some major weight, you are still hotter than Extra Hot Rotel.

On the BB Season Finale, just how ugly was Julie Chen's Oragami Lapel?

Space News - New Name 4 Pluto

Planets get to be named after mythological gods or Micky Mouse's dog.

Grubby dwarf planets get boring asteroid numbers instead of cool names.

Pluto has been given a new name to reflect its new status as a dwarf planet.

On Sept. 7, the former 9th planet was assigned the asteroid number 134340 by the Minor Planet Center (MPC), the official organization responsible for collecting data about asteroids and comets in our solar system.

The move reinforces the International Astronomical Union's (IAU) recent decision to strip Pluto of its planethood and places it in the same category as other small solar-system bodies with accurately known orbits.

Pluto's companion satellites, Charon, Nix and Hydra are considered part of the same system and will not be assigned separate asteroid numbers, said MPC director emeritus Brian Marsden. Instead, they will be called 134340 I, II and III, respectively.

There are currently 136,563 asteroid objects recognized by the MPC; 2,224 new objects were added last week, of which Pluto was the first.

Another Optical Illusion

The horizontal red lines are straight and parallel, do they look curved to you?

School of Flop - Flop Coach

Remember the Jack Black Movie, School of Rock?

I have an idea for a new movie, staring former Duke basketball player Shane Battier, called:

SCHOOL OF FLOP

Part IV - Flop Coach

Hey, this is former Duke basketball player and current Houston Rocket, Shane Battier.

You may remember me from my college career at Duke, simply as "Ridge Head" or "Klingon Head", but I am also known as "Flop-ee-aa" or "King of Flop"

The announcer and Shane are in a car and they pull up to a mansion.

Announcer - Is this where you live?

Shane - Yes, this is the house that flop built.

They exit the very expensive sports car and walk into the mansion

Announcer Looking Around - This is amazing, and you owe it all to flopping...

Holy &^%$, is that the World Cup Trophy?

The camera pans over to a desk, where the World Cup Trophy is being used as a paperweight.

Shane - It sure is, I was Italy's MVP in this summer's World Cup?

Announcer - You play soccer?

Shane - No, I was the team's coach.

Italy won this year's World Cup, by leading the tournament in "dives".

A soccer "dive" is similar to a basketball "flop" with a few subtle differences.

Now Battier is shown standing on a soccer field, decked out in soccer gear, sitting on the ground is the entire Italy soccer team.

Shane addresses the team - The same general principles of anticipation and technique, that make me a great flopper, will make you successful divers.

Shane pretends to be kicked in the ankle - If you are standing still and are fouled, even slightly, you must fall to the ground and grab whatever bodypart was touched, as you wince in pain.

Shane runs by and then pretends to be kicked in the ankle - if you are fouled while running, you must dive to the ground and complete as many forward rolls on the ground as possible. When you lose momentum and are coming out of the roll, grab the fouled bodypart and wince in pain.

As Battier is lying on the ground clutching his ankle, he glances at his watch.

Battier To Announcer - Let's go, I gotta get back to the States to coach my son's first pee-wee basketball game. I wonder what kind of team we will have?

The scene is now a basketball court where Battier is the coach of the Blue Devils, a team of 5 and 6 year olds. The assistant Coach is an old white guy named Pete.

Once the game starts, it is apparent that the Blue Devils are terrible. The Blue Devils do flop alot and are very good at drawing charging fouls on the other team, but the Blue Devils are undersized, miss all of their free-throws, and end up losing the game terribly.

After the game the camera pans to the Blue Devil bench and Battier is laying on the court, grabbing at his back, and wincing in pain. Battier is carried off in a stretcher.

Announcer - Shane was forced to leave the Blue Devils due to exhaustion and problems with back surgery. Assistant coach Pete took over coaching the Blue Devils.

The scene is outside of a hospital room. As the camera rolls into the room, Battier is jumping rope. Battier notices the camera, leaps into the hospital bed, and looks like he is in great pain.

Battier's family gather around his bedside. Coach K is there also. Everyone seems to be waiting on something.

In walks a Doctor with an envelope. He hands it to Shane who quitely opens it, removes a piece of paper, and reads it to himself...

Battier starts pumping his fists in the air and doing that two-fists-out-move-them in-a-circle-thing.

Announcer - What is it Shane, did you just find out that you do not have cancer?

Jubilent Battier - No, I just found out the Blue Devil losses this season are not on my record.

Battier holds up the paper so that the camera can zoom in on it. It reads:

PETE GAUDET (Interim Head Coach)
Overall Record: 3W - 14L

Sam's First Soccer Game

Sam had his very first soccer game ever today at age 3. If you look closely, you can actually see some of his leg between his socks and shorts.

Sam did a really good job, kicking the ball twice and even helping Sophie with her equipment.

Farewell Again Janelle

It is no secret that I am a fan of Big Brother contestant Janelle.

When Janelle was voted off of Big Brother 6, I wrote this poem using every single word that I could think of that rhymed with Janelle.

Farewell Janelle

You gave those bitches hell.

We were sorry that you fell.

But you won some stuff you can sell.

Janelle, we think you're swell.

We all wish we could tell

Ivette that her girlfriend does as well.

Well, Janelle has been Voted off of Big Brother Allstars, leaving Mike Boogie and Erica is the worst BB final 2 ever. I could not care less who wins. The producers really screwed up and they know it. Not 5 minutes after Janelle was eliminated tonight they announced that the audience could vote by telephone to give her $25,000 as America's Choice.

Farewell Again Janelle.

The Final 2 this season makes me want to Yell...

..."Kiss My Grits!" like Flo always did to Mel.

I downloaded alot of your pictures on my Dell.

This season they showed you smoking alot and your tummy started to swell.

But you didn't get as big as the woman who played the maid in the 80's sitcom "Gimme A Break", last name "Carter", first name "Nell"

And you still ring our collective Bell.

because your hair is so pretty you could do a commercial for styling gel...

... or Prell.

Frog Alert

Frogs like to get on our back door glass window at night.

Actually, I am not sure if it is the same frog over and over, or different frogs. Sometimes the frog appears larger and more white colored than this frog.

I'll keep you posted.

South Carolina Whups Georgia

(Link)

Haiku - Goodbye Mate

Stingray to The Heart
Goodbye Crocodile Hunter
We Will Miss You Mate

Almost A Miracle

Every ten thousand years or so, something so amazing, so improbable, happens, that one can not say pure chance was involved.

When something like this occurs we call it a Miracle.

True Beauty

Answer = Make-up, flattering clothing, lighting, hair products, drunkness of the observer.

Question = What can make a woman seem more attractive than she actually is?

Because of the above, I have always subscibed to the first-thing-in-the-morning-test.

To judge someone's true beauty, you need to see what they look like first-thing-in-the-morning.

Friday I went to work. Friday night we drove to Charleston. Saturday I didn't shower all day. I did go kayaking, go out on my brother-in-law's boat, and lay around watching football. This morning when I woke up, Sam said I looked like a bat who had been sleeping upside-down.

You be the judge of my True Beauty

Best Chicken Pizza

Cyndy said this is the best Pizza I have ever made.

1. Grill chicken one night and grill 2x what you will eat.

2. The next night, put sauce on a pizza dough (We use random spagetti sauce from a jar).

3. Cut up the left-over chicken and put it on top of the sauce.

4. Cut up a whole lot of fresh cilantro and put it on top of the chicken.

5. Top with mozzarella.

6. Top the Mozzarella with diced onion and peppers (Any kind of peppers will do. We used pablano, wusses could use green pepper).

7. Bake the pizza.

Eat It Up - Yum!

Team Choke

Q = Why are these Greek people celebrating?

A = Because Greece just beat Team USA in basketball to eliminate the USA from winning the World Championship.

Q = Whose Fault Is It that the USA lost to Greece in basketball when Team USA is comprised of NBA players and not one single greek player is good enough to play in the NBA?

A = Duke

Specifically, Duke's Coach K, the coach of team USA, and Team USA starters Shane Battier and Elton Brand.

Thanks alot Duke, for embarrasing our entire country on the world wide stage.

(And yes, it does seem like a recruiting advantage for Duke Basketball's head coach to also coach Team USA)