Space News - Roswell wants UFO theme park.

The Roswell New Mexico is the site of a purported UFO crash in July 1947, which the military later claimed was a top-secret weather balloon. Even today, Roswell is visited by UFO/Alien losers worldwide.

Roswell businesses have been cashing in on the UFO craze for years. Paintings and replicas of UFOs and space aliens adorn downtown buildings, and even the McDonald’s and Wal-Mart are UFO- and space-themed.

Right now, the town’s biggest tourism attraction is the International UFO Museum and Research Center, which has drawn 2.5 million visitors since opening in 1992.

The top complaint by tourists during the city’s annual UFO festival each summer is that there’s not enough to do.

Now city officials want to take it to another level with a UFO-themed amusement park, complete with an indoor roller coaster that would take passengers on a simulated alien abduction.

The park, dubbed Alien Apex Resort, could open as early as 2010.

I would love to go. And not because I think it would be cool or I believe in UFO's. UFO's are not real.

Much like the South Carolina State Fair, I want to go to the Roswell amusement park to look at all the people who don't get out to the "big city" much and feel better about myself.

People who are such losers that they want to be kidnapped by aliens, rectally probed and parent a alien/human hybrid, just to have a feeling of belonging to something.

People with mullets.

People who real aliens would not choose to genetically harvest for their hybrid breeding experiments.

Lost - Have You Noticed...

... That Desmond Looks Exactly Like Eric Clapton?

Who? Me?

The place, Irmo High School in Columbia, South Carolina.

What two words best describe my Junior(1985/86) and Senior (1986/87) years at Irmo High School?

Library Pass

A library pass had to be signed by a teacher and could get you out of study hall and into the library. I managed to score 3 Library Passes a day and spent a good portion of my Junior and Senior years in the Irmo High School Library.

Welcome to Library Pass, where I will tell true stories from the Irmo High School Library.

Who? Me?

Way back in the mid to late 80's, long before Columbine or 9/11, the Irmo High School Library had a very sophisticated Security System.

You could only enter the Library through a narrow glassed hallway. In the hallway were little security gates that swung open to allow entrance to, and exit from, the Library.

To enter, you had to either be with a teacher, or have a Library Pass.

To exit the Library, you had to go through a detection device that beeped if you tried to remove a book from the library without checking the book out.

The security system didn't really keep students from removing books from the Library without checking them out.

If you wanted to take a book, it wasn't hard to tear the little metal detection chip out of the cover of the book and then take the book through the security gate, beep-free.

In fact, it was so easy to tear the little metal detection chip out of the books, that we did it all the time.

Did we read a lot of books?

No, but it was fun to hide the little metal detection chips in other student's stuff so that the beeper would go off when he left the library.

We would stand close by and laugh when the beeper went off and the clueless sophomore looked around with a "Who Me?" look on their face.

Then there would be a lock-down.

Mrs. Gilliam would spring into action and interrogate the sophomore as they fished around in their bag.

Still makes me giggle thinking about it.

Kid Tip - Cake Breakfast

Sam's grandmother made him a Super Sam Cake for his 4rth birthday.

Notice that I didn't say "Superman Cake".

The cake was not Superman, but was Sam dressed as Superman.

Against our better judgement, we let Sam have some of the Super Sam Cake for breakfast Saturday morning before his soccer game.

later, on the soccer field, Sam turned into Super Sam.

Fueled by cake with icing made entirely of powdered sugar, crisco, and food coloring, Sam kicked the ball repeatedly.

Who'd have thought it.

Cake, the breakfast of Champions.

Sarc Lessons - Introduction

Me and my friends invented a new language while we were at Irmo High School called Sarc.

Sarc is very easy to learn and fun to use.

My younger sister, Jeny Turnipseed, fell in love with Sarc and she and her friends all learned Sarc.

After I graduated Irmo, it became the official language of the Irmo Hi-Steppers.

My wife, Cyndy, heard Sarc years before I ever met her while she was at Wofford College. Cyndy heard Kendall Wilson, a friend of my sister, speaking Sarc at Wofford. They called it "Irmese", but it was Sarc.

Wanna learn Sarc?

The first rule of Sarc is that you say the opposite of what you actually mean, and you say it in a sarcastic voice.

Lets Practice

Q = Say "I like Led Zeppelin." in Sarc.

A = "Led Zepplin Sucks."

Did you remember your sarcastic voice?

Try another one

Q = Say "I am hungry." in Sarc.

A = "I'm not at all hungry right now."

Keep Practicing, More Sarc lessons to come.

Lost Observations Pre-season-3-finale

My in-laws watch Lost and didn't see Jacob in "The Man Behind The Mirror" episode, so we went back to watch it again in TiVo slo-motion.

My observations:

1. The ring of ash is trapping Jacob.

2. Jacob didn't start knocking stuff around when Locke turned on the flashlight, it was when Locke started to tell Ben that Jacob had said "Help Me."

3. Jacob is not the black smoke. They showed Jacob in the chair that Ben had been talking to. They also showed a puff of black smoke, but it was hanging out in a different chair, a rocking chair.

Can't wait for Finale.

Why were there two women in the Looking Glass Station that Juliet told the Losties that Ben has been telling the others is flooded?

You can spend days discussing Lost and Lost theories on the internet.

Lost-Theories.com (link)


Lostmysteries(link)

Kid Tip - Superhero Party

Sam had a Superhero party for his fourth Birthday.

The kids showed up dressed as Superheros (or Super Princesses).

Each got to make and decorate a Superhero Cape and then run around and play.

You are looking at the look on the kid's faces...

...When Flash showed up!

Flash took the kids through Superhero Training (an obstacle course).

At the end of the party, each kid got to keep the cape they made and Flash presented each kid with a Super Hero Training Certificate.

When we sent thank you cards for the presents, each kid got a photo of themselves with a real Superhero.

You Are Already Old And Uncool.

We thought we were too young and too cool.

Now we can't believe how naive and short sighted we were.

Sometimes it takes tragedy to open one's eyes.

We were married with one child. Cyndy was driving our leased Four-runner in downtown Columbia. Some idiot attempted a U-turn in the middle of Washington Street and slammed into the Four-runner.

The airbags went off and everything. Cyndy called me at work and I ran 2 blocks to the accident. Cyndy was OK but shaken up. We decided to let the ambulence take her one block to Baptist Hospital. It ended up that Cyndy had broken a bone in her foot.

It took quite some time to get the Four-runner repaired. The insurance for the at-fault driver paid for a rental car, but they had no SUV's. We got some sedan, which was OK until it was time to take Madeline and our large dog to the beach for a week.

We called the rental company and all they had was a mini-van. We couldn't fit ourselves, dog and luggage in the sedan, so we got the mini-van.

It was not a nice mini-van, it was kind of grubby.

But the mini-van totally rocked. So much more usefull and practical than an SUV. More room inside and easier access with the large sliding doors on each side.

We had thought that we were too young for an uncool mini-van, but we were wrong.

When the lease ran out on the Four-runner, we leased a Mini-van and have had one ever since.

Now we have 2 kids and the mini-van is even more essential. It has been years since we worried about being cool.

We had an SUV for 6 years with the cool big tires and low gears. I might have driven on a dirt road a few times and maybe it snowed twice.

On the other hand, we use the remote control sliding side-doors every day.

New Parents - Embrace you lack of coolness, go Mini-van.

Girl Role Models - Jordin Sparks

It is down to the final 3 and I think Jordin will win.

I like Blake, and I think he will record a successful cd, but he is not as good a singer as Jordin or Melinda.

Jordin and Melinda are both good singers, but Jordin has star quality.

Melinda has no neck and has no personality. All she does is feign suprise at everything and whisper "thank you" while making "little old me" gestures.

Jordin, on the other hand, is a star at only 17.

Jordan is a great role model for girls because Jordin shows that you can be big and still be beautiful.

A am not talking about being fat or overweight, I am talking about being a giant.

The daughter of a former NFL player, Jordin is an amazon with a winning smile.

Jordan will have a great career, because at her concerts, even people with the worst seats in the house will be able to see her.

It amazes me every week how someone so cute can be so gargantuan at the same time.

Jordin is adorable, yet she could easily reach over and crush Ryan Seacrest's head like a grape.

Jordin is a Brobdinagian Babe

Mika - Love Today

Another Mika Video.

You and your kids will like Mika's cd, "Life In Cartoon Motion".

Survivor Outrage

I may never watch Survivor again.

I am disgusted by tonight's Survivor Fiji Finale.

Dreamz is the biggest liar in the history of Survivor and has no integrity.

How can Dreamz face his son?

Dreamz has disgraced all black people.

Karma will get Dreamz.

Dreamz had an oral contract with Yao and should have to give back the truck.

The only good part of the show was that the jury really let the final 3 have it.

Lisi, Boo, and especially Alex, really lit into the final 3.

JUST KIDDING

I do not believe any of the above comments, but I did read hundreds of comments just like them on the Survivor message board.

Dreamz lied. So what?

Everyone on Survivor lies, that is part of the game.

Didn't Johnny Fairplay, a white guy, lie and say that his grandmother had died?

Yao was a good player and all, but he lost. He should have tried to make a deal at the end.

I actually was disgusted last night...

...with the Jury.

What a bunch of sour-grapes, sore-losing, idiots.

I can not believe that Alex is an actual lawyer.

On the reunion show, when Jeff asked Alex about his jury tirade, Alex responded "I had to do it."

You had to act like a Jack-ass and make a fool of yourself on national television?

The Jury (except Yao) got outwitted, outsmarted, outplayed, and then made complete asses out of themselves.

Here is some Karma for you. I hope that the members of the jury all leave the reunion taping together and Dreamz runs over them all in his new truck.

Kid Tip - Class of 3000

Class of 3000 is a cartoon on Cartoon Network that was created by, and stars, André Benjamin (a.k.a. André 3000) of the hip-hop group OutKast.

The basic premise of the show = Sunny Bridges (voiced by Andre 3000) was a superstar who quit the biz and returns to his hometown of Atlanta to teach kids at Westley School of Performing Arts.

The cartoon is funny and has cool music.

Lost - Jacob Revealed

Lost has been really good the last 4 weeks.

This week, Ben took Locke to see Jacob, the leader of The Others.

Jacob was in a cabin in the woods surrounded by a circle of strange ash on the ground. The inside of Jacob's cabin was dark and there were jars of liquid on a shelf.

Ben talked to someone in a chair that Locke couldn't see or hear.

As Locke was leaving the cabin, he heard Jacob say "Help me". Then Lock turned on his flashlight and stuff started flying around the room breaking.

Ben tried to grab whatever was in the chair and was thrown against the wall.

While we were watching, my wife said they showed a flash of someone else in the room.

We used TiVo to go back and pause the show to reveal Jacob (photo at right).

There are many theories floating around the internet about Jacob.

Clearly, Ben is keeping him captive with the circle of ash.

What is that crazy thing on the side of Jacob's head?

A gunshot wound?

A wig?

A monkey, bird, basketball, or cat, sitting on his shoulder?

Who is Jacob?

Locke's twin brother?

A pirate?

Although the lighting in the Jacob screen-captures is poor, I immediately recognized the face. The profile comparison is undeniable proof. Jacob is indeed someone that we know very well...

Kid Friendly Music - Mika

What if Beck had a younger brother who was fathered by Freddy Mercury?

His name is Mika and his debut cd "Life In Cartoon Motion" is pure sugar coated, falsetta filled, pop goodness.

The cd really is great and women and kids will love it.

I have heard my kids singing the songs "Lollipop" and "Big Girls are Beautiful" when the cd wasn't even playing.

Here is the video for "Grace Kelly"

Sam Turns 4

Sam recently had his 4rth birthday and we got him a Batman Cake and took it to his school for his class.

Of course you know we also had to throw him a real party to impress everyone with our creativity and parento-awsomeness.

Given the "superhero" theme, what would we come up with...

I'm Back

Why did the posts suddenly stop?

I can't really say for sure.

I have been really busy at work.

Yahoo Sports Fantasy NBA was down to playoff time and I was in 4 different leagues. (2 first place finishes, a second place, and a seventh place)

I had been straying away from true stories from my life (I started the blog to record and share them) in favor of Duke-bashing and American Idol chat.

It wasn't really any of those reasons.

Remember in the movie Forrest Gump when Forrest just started running because he felt like it?

Well that has nothing to do with why I started Turnipblog.

But, like Forrest, I did gain a following.

Remember in the movie Forrest Gump when Forrest just stopped running because he felt like it?



Well I am not semi-retarded, but I don't owe any more explanation than Mr. Gump.

This post isn't to explain my absence, but to celebrate my return.

So slay the fatted calf baby, I am back!