TKGIE - KFC

Welcome to another installment of Today's Kids Got It Easy where I talk about how much easier my kids have it than I did growing up in the 70's and 80's.

When I was a little kid and I had a craving for finger licking good fried chicken, I had to ask my parents if we could go to "Kentucky Fried Chicken".

"Kentucky Fried Chicken" is 6 syllables. That is a mouthfull.

Todays Kids Got It Easy because all they have to do is ask to go to "KFC"

Why did the restaurant chain formerly known as "Kentucky Fried Chicken" change its name to KFC?

They didn't do it to give my kids a break, they changed the name because they were breeding mutant chickens with extra-large breasts and additional legs. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration stepped in and told Kentucky Fried Chicken that the genetically engineered creatures they were producing on their poultry farms could not legally be marketed as "chicken." Rather than give up the lucrative sales of meat from their big-breasted, multi-legged fowl to adhere to FDA regulations, the company deftly sidestepped the problem by changing their name to "KFC," thus eliminating all mention of the word "chicken" from their menu and advertisements.

Poll - Worst Fag Rock Band?

last week I told Turnipblog readers that I made my daughter a mixed cd of songs that were on the radio the year she was born, 1999.

I response to one of those songs, You Get What You Give - New Radicals

Anonymous said... That New Radicals got in just under the wire to be the worst fag rock band with the worst album of the millenium. Don't subject your kid to that crap.

New Turnipblog Poll - Worst Fag Rock Band and Album?

That's 1 vote for New Radicals.

I will base my vote on pretentiousness of band name, album titles, song titles and lyrics.

I would vote for the song from several years ago with the lyric "... or am I oragami? ...", but I have no idea what the name of the song or band is.

Vote #2 goes to the band "Live".



I know, "Live" isn't that pretenious of a name, but OHHHH those album names were gay.

How about "Mental Jewelry" and "Throwing Copper".

Don't forget their 3rd album, which derived its name from a state of Hindu meditation, "Secret Samadhi".

I had assumed that these guys gave up music and went on to other careers years ago, until I saw them on TV last year singing a duet with Chris Daughtry, the fifth place finisher on American Idol.

Back to the name of the band. A little research shows that the name "Live" was only chosen because the original name of the band was too gay.

Before "Live" there was "Public Affection" who recorded and self-released a cassette of originals, titled "The Death of a Dictionary", in 1989.

Seriously. What other Rock band would actually name a song "The Dolphin's Cry"?

Haiku - My Inspiration

My Inspiration

Reason to Get Up Each Day

Monster Energy

In Search Of - Crying Duke Kid

Everyone has seen the photo of the Crying Duke Kid.

The image of that little bandwagon Duke fan balling his eyes out has become a symbol of our generation.

Is the photo real?

Does the kid really exist?

If so, Where is the kid now?

We will answer these questions, and many more as we go...

In Search Of - Crying Duke Kid

Experts have determined that the photo is real; therefor the kid must also be real.

So who is the kid and where is he now?

An inspection of the score in the photo reveals that Duke is only ranked #4 at the time of the photo, therefor it must have been a rare down-year for Duke.

I hacked into the CIA's computer database and analysed the photo using a sophisticated government program. The results were startling and I was able to identify the crying Duke kid and even determine what he is doing these days...

Searches that led to Turnipblog

From time to time I discuss real internet searches that led some stranger to visit Turnipblog. Now is one of those times.

As always, the search is in bold and my comments follow.

1. Google Blog Search = Bonnie Tyler (founder of supergroup TRON)

2. Ask.com = a famous black south carolinian scientist (The Peanut Guy?)

3. Google = "john scheyer" faces (You Mean DWEFs)

4. Google = Jeff Turnipseed (probably an old girlfriend seeing if I am famous)

5. Google = vmi cheerleader citadel (She kicked his ass.)

6. Blogger search = "have you never been mellow" olivia (I named a mixed cd after this song.)

7. Ask.com = britney spears pantiless photo (1/2 of Turniblog traffic over the last 2 months)

8. Google = oh well "talk to god I knew he'd understand" (Great Fleetwood Mac song)

9. Google = irmo girl fight youtube (Representing the 803)

10. Google Blog search = todd rundgren-something/anything (great Double Album)

11. Google = "Real life Lionel Hutz" (Hit and Run on the way to Court)

11. Yahoo search = "my box in a box" + lyrics ("Flag Day, MBIAB")

Kid Tip - Capri Sun Sux

Capri Sun fruit-flavored drinks were introduced when I was a kid and they are still around.

But do not buy them because they suck.

No, they don't taste bad, they suck because it is physically impossible to poke the little plastic straw that comes with the Capri Sun through the little black dot without juice spurting out all over the place.

I consider myself fairly dextrous and I can't do it.

If you can poke the straw into a Capri Sun without spilling juice product everywhere, I invite you to share your technique with Turnipblog.

1999

My daughter Madeline was born in 1999. One year for her birthday I gave Madeline a mixed cd of songs that were on the radio in 1999.

1. 1999 - Prince
2. Rockstar - Smashmouth
3. This Kiss - Faith Hill
4. Never There - Cake
5. Mambo #5 - Lou Bega
6. Believe - Cher
7. Pretty Fly for a White Guy - Offspring
8. Livin La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin
9. It's All Been Done - Bear Naked Ladies
10. Baby did a Bad Bad Thing - Chris Isaak
11. Man, I Feel Like A Woman = Shania Twain
12. Steal My Sunshine - Len
13. Busted Afternoon - Old 97's
14. Fly Away - Lenny Kravitz
15. You Get What You Give - New Radicals
16. Cowboy, Take me Away - Dixie Chicks
17. Nicotine and Gravy - Beck
18. Redneck Past - Ben Folds Five
19. Everybody's Free(To Wear Sunscreen) - Baz Luhrmann

Poo Song from Scrubs

Last week Scrubs had a musical episode.

Very Funny Stuff!

Best Photo Ever

Someone please identify the Duke cry-kid in this photo so that I can personally thank him.

New Word - "Bell-ination"

A "Bellination" is a newly introduced fast food menu item that is made of the same basic 4 ingredients as all the other menu items.

Taco Bell invented the bellination. Just when you think that Taco Bell has come up with every possible way of combining a tortilla, ground meat product, cheese and lettuce, they come up with the Crunchwrap Supreme (pictured at right), another bellination.

For instance, here are some of the Taco Bell's Beef Taco Bellinations:

Hard Beef Taco,
Soft Beef Taco,
Hard Beef Taco Supreme,
Soft Beef Taco Supreme,
Beef Double Decker Taco,
Beef Double Decker Taco Supreme,
Baja Beef Soft Taco,
Baja Beef Hard Taco,
BLT Taco (This is Bacon, not beef, but it is so ridiculous that I included it)
Double Grande Taco,
Taco Lite,
Ranchero Beef Soft Taco, and
Ranchero Beef Hard Taco.

Now if we introduce chicken into the equation, we double our possible bellinations.

Introduce steak and triple the possible bellinations.

And that is just tacos.

Wrap the Soft taco up and we have a multitude of burrito bellinations.

Break up the hard taco shells and we have countless nacho bellinations.

Basically, Taco Bell can keep intoducing a new bellination every month until our sun burns out or goes supernova.

Bush Baby? You Decide!

Irmo Girl Fight

My High School, Irmo High, is in the news again because a Irmo girl fight was recorded with a cell phone and uploaded to Youtube, where it went viral.

Here is a link to the story(link). Check out the video and please note the Irmo Yellow Jacket painted on the wall in the background.

Elvis - Opening Night, August 1, 1969

I have a great Elvis soundboard that was recorded a week after I was born. Let me know if you want me to burn you a copy.

Elvis Presley
Opening Night - August 1, 1969

01. blue suede shoes
02. i got a woman
03. all shook up
04. love me tender
05. jailhouse rock/dont be cruel
06. heartbreak hotel
07. hound dog
08. memories
09. mystery train/tiger man
10. life story(dialogue)
11. baby what you want me to do
12. are you lonesome tonight
13. yesterday
14. hey jude
15. band introductions
16. in the ghetto
17. suspicious minds
18. whatd i say
19. cant help falling in love

Seen #2 Twice

We are huge Gamecock Basketball fans.

This year the team is not very good. We have season tickets in the upper deck but have been able to move down to the first fifteen rows for every home game this year.

I have watched the Cocks get crushed by Clemson, cracked by Kansas, F-up against Florida and play sucky against Kentucky.

Last week UNC was #1, and Florida was #2 when I watched Florida beat the Gamecocks by 30.

This week Florida is #1 and UNC is #2 so I went to see UNC play last night in Clemsuck.



Clemsuck was ranked, undefeated at home, and have only lost one game.

7:00 game, ESPN.

Littlejohn was packed and the crowd was in a frenzy. Clemsuck Students had camped out for a week for tickets.

The UNC players were on the court waiting for tip-off, but the music kept playing and people were going crazy. That is when I had my best line of the night.

I screamed "Yeah, Yeah, we get it - this is a big game to you!"

The excitement lasted about 10 minutes before the Heels built up a 10 point lead.

At that point I heard The Best Line of the Night from a UNC fan.

"This ain't Wofford!"

The Heels cruised to another easy victory, leading by 20 for most of the second half.

Got home about midnight.

Magic Dots Illusion

Stare at the cross in the center.

Interesting and Unique

This is the best Idol Audition ever.

TiVo Update - American Idol is Back

It is that time again.

Television does not get any better than this.

Don't miss the 2-day, 4-hour season premiere of American Idol #6, beginning tomorow night, January 16th, and concluding wednesday night. All the fun begins at 8:00, only on FOX!

The audition shows are the best, I can't wait.

Kid Tip - Eternal Forces

Don't you hate kids video games?

Most kids video games are a bunch of sensless, worthless violence.

That is why the new Christian Video Game, Eternal Forces, is so refreshing and almost seems too good to be true.

Here is a game description from the Eternal Forces web site:

THE LEFT BEHIND STORY

The story of LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces is based on the LEFT BEHIND SERIES of fictional novels written by Dr. Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins and published by Tyndale. The book series chronicles the end of the world in stories based on prophecies from the Bible's Book of Revelation. The series currently includes 15 books and has garnered a large entertainment following worldwide.

The Rapture

The term "Rapture" is commonly used to describe the extraction of the believers in Christ from the Earth. According to Biblical Scripture, when the Rapture comes the Lord will take His people to Heaven leaving others “left behind” on Earth to face the emerging antichrist. This is the pinnacle of the Left Behind story as millions disappear around the globe in one cataclysmic moment. People are struck with terror as they witness their loved ones vanish before their eyes. Suddenly unmanned, vehicles careen out control causing devastating accidents and destruction. Although there is no obvious explanation for these frightening events, the world is poised for something much worse - the Tribulation years.

Gameplay

LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces is a Real Time Strategy game. You, as the player, control your forces from a vantage point high above the action. You do not personally participate in the action; you command your units to perform tasks by giving orders via the game interface. You can order them where to go and what to do whenever you wish.

Lead the Tribulation Force from the book series, including Rayford, Chloe, Buck and Bruce against Nicolae Carpathia - the AntiChrist.

Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world.

Recover ancient scriptures and witness spectacular Angelic and Demonic activity as a direct consequence of your choices.

Command your forces through intense battles across a breathtaking, authentic depiction of New York City.

Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!

Enjoy a robust single player experience across dozens of New York City maps in Story Mode – fighting in China Town , SoHo , Uptown and more!

Play multiplayer games as Tribulation Force or the AntiChrist's Global Community Peacekeepers with up to eight players via LAN or over the internet!

John Scheyer is Re-dwef-ining Duke Basketball

Jon Scheyer is Rid-dwef-culous