Someone Worse than Sanjaya?

I found a woman who is a worse lawyer than Sanjaya Malakar is a singer.

She just so happens to be talking about Sanjaya and how American Idol could sue Howard Stern and Vote for The Worst.

Photos - Tyra Banks Grabs Katharine McPhee's Boobs

Space News - Governor saw UFO

Former Arizona Gov. Fife Symington, who trotted out an aide dressed as an alien 10 years ago to spoof the frenzy surrounding mysterious lights in the Phoenix sky, now says the lights were actually an alien spacecraft.

Now a pastry chef and business consultant, Symington is keying in on the anniversary of the sighting of the so-called "Phoenix Lights" by reversing course, saying the lights were really extraterrestrial and that he saw a UFO himself.

"I'm a pilot and I know just about every machine that flies," Symington said Thursday. "It was bigger than anything that I've ever seen. It remains a great mystery. Other people saw it, responsible people. I don't know why people would ridicule it."

During a news conference in 1997, Symington, a former Air Force captain then in his second term as governor, told the assembled press that an alien had been captured. He then ushered out his chief of staff, Jay Heiler, dressed in a costume complete with oversized head and eyes.

"This just goes to show that you guys are entirely too serious," Symington said at the time.

Later that year, he was convicted of bank fraud charges stemming from his bankrupt real estate empire. The conviction later was overturned and he was pardoned by President Clinton in 2001 before federal prosecutors decided whether they would retry the case.

Symington recently told a UFO investigator making a documentary that he hadn't acknowledged his own encounter at the time because he didn't want people to panic. He repeated the story in an interview on CNN and other media, saying the craft he saw was "enormous. It just felt otherworldly. In your gut, you could just tell it was otherworldly."

Heiler, who says Symington is one of his closest friends, said he isn't surprised he believes in UFOs.

A "Trekkie" who enjoys discussing space travel, Heiler said Symington is convinced that earthlings will travel to distant solar systems at above the speed of light "in our lifetimes."

Heiler said he remained "the earthbound skeptic" in those talks.

Library Pass - The Basics

The place, Irmo High School in Columbia, South Carolina.

What two words best describe my Junior(1985/85) and Senior (1986/87) years at Irmo High School?

Library Pass

A library pass had to be signed by a teacher and could get you out of study hall and into the library. I managed to score 3 Library Passes a day and spent a good portion of my Junior and Senior years in the Irmo High School Library.

Welcome to Library Pass, where I will tell true stories from the Irmo High School Library.

The Basics

The Irmo High School Library was large. There was only one entrance/exit which was right across the hall from the main office entrance.

Inside, the library was one very large room with a windowed office area in the center and with shelves, tables, chairs, and cabinets spread about. There were also a few doors leading to some sort of media-arts area in the back of the library.

I spent about 2 or 3 hours a day in the library my Junior and Senior year. For that 3 hours, friends or other students with lunch periods, study hall, and/or library passes, would come and go.

Me and my friends would usually find a big table and sit around it talking.

"Talking in the library?"

I know, it sounds crazy, but it's true. The library was large, it was easy to find a spot away from any librarians, and no students were actually reading in the library, so no-one ever complained.

Even if you got too loud, all the librarians would do is look over at you menacingly.

We were not afraid. These were not real tachers, they didn't know our names, and they were too engrossed in the card catalouge to come over to our table and dispense discipline.

Aside from my Library Pass, I always made sure that I brought a very sharp pencil and some paper to the library.

I didn't use the pencil to write on the paper, the paper was for making paper airplanes.

Not those blunt-nosed loopy stunt planes, but simple, straight-forward, streamlined, sharp-tipped paper airplanes made by following the steps.



The ceiling of the library was a sort of white spongy fibre, most likely friable asbestos.

It was great fun to throw a sharp pencil, or a really sharp-nosed paper airplane, up into the ceiling to see if it would stick.

At any given time there were a number of pencils and airplanes stuck in the ceiling.

More fun than Study Hall.

American Idol Crying Girl

Her name is Ashley Ferl and she’s 13.

Haiku - Hurray Spring is Here

Hurray, Spring is Here.
Yellow Powder Covers All
Plant Sperm Choking Me

L.P. - Introduction

The years were 1986 and 1987.

The place, Irmo High School in Columbia, South Carolina.

Irmo was a pretty big High School. I graduated with 780 other seniors and the classes below mine were even bigger.

Every student at Irmo High School had an hour long lunch period where you had to either be in the cafeteria, or in a Study Hall.

I was a Senior in 86/87. I got early acceptance to University of North Carolina over thanksgiving break of 1986. I didn't need many classes to graduate my senior year and I had 2 study halls in addition to lunch study hall.

Study Hall sucked. Everyone sat at individual desks that were arranged in rows, and you couldn't talk. There was a teacher sitting in the front of the room who could see all of the students.

I tried to sleep but the desks were uncomfortable. I tried bringing a large ziplock bag which I would blow up and then seal, making an air-pillow. This would work for about 15 minutes before the air seeped out of the bag and my head hit the hard desk.

How did I get out of 3 straight hours of sucky Study Hall every day?

In what unlikely place did me and my friends find refuge?

What two words best describe my senior year at Irmo High School?

Library Pass

A library pass had to be signed by a teacher and could get you out of study hall and into the library. I managed to score 3 Library Passes a day, mostly from my AP teachers.

Welcome to Library Pass, where I will tell true stories from the Irmo High School Library.

Greasy Confession

Alright Damn-it, we watch "Grease, You're the One That I Want!", the Sunday night American Idol-like show where America gets to choose who will play Danny and Sandy in a new Broadway version of the musical Grease.

That isn't even the confession, this is...

WE VOTED FOR MAX AND LAURA TONIGHT!

PBR, the Clemson of Beer.

I always thought that Clemson is lame for thinking they are a football school just because they won a National Championship way back in in 1981.

I love PBR, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the Clemson of beers.

Do you know why the beer is called "Blue Ribbon"?

Have you ever read a can of PBR?

Pabst was actually selected as America's Best Beer way back in '93.

Doesn't seem that long ago?

Try 1893

At least PBR didn't cheat for its Blue Ribbon.

Kid Tip - The Upside Down Show

There is a new kids show on NOGGIN that my kids love called The Upside Down Show. It comes from the same country that brought us The Wiggles and Hi-5, Australia.

THE UPSIDE DOWN SHOW stars 2 guys named Shane and David.

Every show, they set out on a journey to a place they've never been. As it turns out, they've never been anywhere! It's all new to them, whether they're going to the airport, the movie theater, or the moon.

At the beginning of each episode, the brothers invite young viewers to take charge of an imaginary remote control with which to "operate" Shane and David, fast-forwarding, rewinding, or pausing them. There are many unexpected buttons on this special remote as well, such as the Upside Down Button, the Rotate Button, and even the Itchy Button, wreaking havoc with the brothers.

What channel is Noggin and what time does the show come on?

I don't know, get Tivo like any other respectable parent.

Duke Elimination Day!

Today is my favorite day of the year, Duke Elimination day.

Tonight Duke lost to VCU tonight in the first round of the NCAA Tournament?

I almost felt sorry for Duke tonight until I saw this highlight from the game and it reminded me why I hate Duke.

If you didn't have the sound turned up, watch it again.

The Laugh-Track is key.

No more Anti-Duke posts until next basketball season, so I will leave you with a special suprise.

Click on the Paul-Puss photo for a special suprise.

This is Why Duke Sux.

Funny Cartoon

American Idol Update - Vote Sanjaya

Lets talk about American Idol 2007.

The Boys - I like Blake (Beat-box guy) and Chris (Needs to shave).

The Girls - I like Jordan (The attractive teenage giant) and No-neck (Makes a suprised face every week when judges love her).

By far the best reason to watch is Sanjaya.

Sanjaya is very likeable, but he can't sing.

It is both painful and pleasurable to watch Sanjaya perform and then get ripped by the judges.

Sort of like pressing on a loose tooth with your tounge.

How does Sanjaya suck so bad, yet stay on the show week after week?



Can a website encouraging people to vote for the worst contestant in a singing contest really have an effect on the outcome?

My 70's Memories - Lemonade Stand

Today I was watching basketball when Madeline came into the house and asked if she could have some money to buy lemonade at a lemonade stand down the street.

I grabbed about $2.00 in change and found Sam and walked down the street, with the kids, to the lemonade stand.

The lemonade stand was a couple of kids who live on the street. The kids had a cooler and chairs sitting on top of the cement sidewalk storm drain cover that was between their homes.

The kids were selling plastic cups of lemonade for 25 cents. I gave them a dollar in change for a lemonade for Sam and for Madeline. The kids were collecting the money in a cup.

Soon, more kids and a few moms showed up and the kids had to go make more lemonade. They really had collected a lot of money.

Then, one of the kids dropped the cup of money in the street and most of the money rolled down the drain.

The kid was mad. He said "One Day I am Going to go down there and get that money!" He said it as though he had thought about "going down there" before.

That is when I re-lived a 70's memory and shared it with the kids.

I said aloud, "We used to climb down in the pipes and drain on my street when we were kids." (You didn't really think my memory would be about lemonade)

All of the moms immediately glared at me with a "Shut up, you idiot!" look.

Thinking quickly, I shared the rest of the true story, using the opportunity to teach a good lessen instead of incouraging bad behavior.

"One time, I climbed down in a drainage pipe like that one and couldn't get out. A bunch of older neighborhood kids lifted the cover and let me climb out."

The children were very interested. I got another round of "shut up already" glares from the mothers.

I finished the story, "As I was climbing out of the drain, they dropped that big heavy cover on one of the kid's hands and it broke his finger."

"From that day on, that older kid always hated me and I had to look out for him when I was out playing."

New Mexico and 134340 Planet Day.

The state of New Mexico could effectively secede from the astronomical community if a resolution to call Pluto a planet is passed.

Joint House Memorial 54 was introduced by representative Joni Marie Gutierrez, who represents Dona Ana County. It states that Pluto, the recently demoted object, "be declared a planet and that March 13, 2007 be declared 'Pluto Planet Day' at the legislature."

Pluto was stripped of its planet status last August when a group within the International Astronomical Union voted to call the diminutive, far-flung world a dwarf planet. The decision was immediately and widely criticized by astronomers, many of whom have said it might not stand over time.

The foundations of planetary science won't likely be shook if the resolution passes, however. A Joint House Memorial "does not have the color of law," explained Peter Hay, a staff member at the New Mexico State Legislature. "It is a feeling of the House."

The resolution is the third item on the agenda "on the Speaker's table" today, Hay said in a telephone interview, and could be called to a vote at any time. If the House passes it, the Senate would then take it up. No vote by the Governor is required.

The reasoning of the resolution:

"WHEREAS, New Mexico state university and Dona Ana county were the longtime home of Clyde Tombaugh, discoverer of Pluto; and
WHEREAS, Pluto has been recognized as a planet for seventy-five years; and
WHEREAS, Pluto's average orbit is three billion six hundred ninety-five million nine hundred fifty thousand miles from the sun, and its diameter is approximately one thousand four hundred twenty-one miles; and
WHEREAS, Pluto has three moons known as Charon, Nix and Hydra; and
WHEREAS, a spacecraft called New Horizons was launched in January 2006 to explore Pluto in the year 2015.

Tombaugh used the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Ariz. to first spot Pluto in 1930. Pluto is now known by a number, 134340.

Hi-5 Update - Jen Country Album.

Jen from the children's show Hi-5, has got a country album coming out soon.

I will probably download it off the internet for free.

Not that I don't support Hi-5 - I have purchased Hi-5 cd's for the kids in the past.

Jen is pretty.

New Photos of Zidane Head-but

People thought I was joking when I wrote about the connection between Duke Basketball and the Italian National Soccer team, but new satellite photos from this past summer's World Cup final, show that I was right on.

When asked for comment, Coach K responded:

Here Comes Turnipblog.

I have been getting reports that the background of Turnipblog looks blue instead of white.

You see the Site Meter thingy on the side bar there on the right. If I click that and enter my password, I can see who looks at Turnipblog and where they are located and a number of other things.

Well I went out and visited some people who regularly read Turnipblog and I looked at Turnipblog and sure enough, Turnipblog looked blue.

I checked the montiors, same result.

How can this be when I know Turnipblog's background has always been white?

I don't know who is familiar with the doppler effect.

No, The doppler effect isn't the bed-sores developed by people who sit down all day watching the Weather Channel, it is the way sound or light wavelengths are compressed or stretched out when the source is moving in relation to the observer.


When a source of light is moving away from you, the wavelengths are stretched out and the visible spectrum will be red-shifted.

When a source of light is moving toward you, the wavelengths are compressed and the visible spectrum will be blue-shifted.

So, if Turnipblog looks blue to you....

Turnipblog is moving toward you!

More investigation forthcoming.

In a Room with 4 Women

No this isn't a fantasy, it really happened.

I got court appointed to a family court case and had to go over to the courthouse for a merits hearing.

There are little attorney meeting rooms in the courthouse. At one point, the parties in my case were waiting in a little meeting room on a Department of Social Services attorney.

It was me and 4 women;, my client's aunt, female attorney and two female Guardian at Litems. They started to talk about cooking and crockpots.

woman - "I still have the little crockpot I got as a wedding gift 20 years ago."

woman - "I should use mine more."

woman - "They are so convienent."

woman - "I know."

woman - "In the frozen foods section, you can buy these bags that you put in the crock pot..."

I so wanted to get in on the conversation:

Me - "I have 2 crock pots, a conventional and a BBQ Pit..."

Me - (gesturing) "You take a whole chicken and shove fresh herbs under the skin..."

Me - "I never use ground beef for chili, I always cut up a big steak..."

Instead, I just stood there and pretended to read the case file.

Funny Cartoon

This cartoon illustrates the moronic logic behind the "If you are against a war then you don't support the troops." argument.

Click on the cartoon to enlarge it.

Top 10 Most Hated Dukies

Carolina Wins the ACC, the elbow was intentional, K's Comments after the game were disgracefull.

The bigger news is that we have a new entry into the Top Ten as discussed in the following article from ESPN website.

From ESPN - Did Gerald Henderson intentionally go after Tyler Hansbrough during Sunday's game against North Carolina? Or did Hansbrough recklessly slam his nose into Henderson's elbow? We're not going to get into that debate here, but whether you're a Duke supporter or a Duke basher, there's no doubting the polarizing influence of Mike Krzyzewski and his acolytes on the basketball landscape.

The championships … the arrogance … the rivalry with UNC … the accolades … the crib sheets for derisive cheers … the commercials … the drama …

Steve Wojciechowski, rushing across the court after Duke's 1998 victory over North Carolina, looking for his coach. The coach catching his player's eyes and finding him through a rush of fans streaming on the court to celebrate. Ultimately, the two embrace with tears running down their cheeks, in celebration of the accomplishment and the relationship between coach and player.

This isn't a promo for a Lifetime channel movie of the week. It's a direct quote from the Duke media guide … and a perfect example of why so many fans love to hate Duke.

With all this in mind, ESPN would like to present the definitive list of the 10 Most-Hated Dukies.

1. Christian Laettner (1988-92)
Résumé: Three-time All-America selection (1990, '91, '92); 1992 Wooden Award winner; played on four Final Four teams, which included Duke's first two national championships.
Why he's hated: Stepped on the chest of Kentucky's Aminu Timberlake during a 1992 NCAA Tournament regional final, then famously nailed the winning shot after receiving a three-quarter-court pass from Grant Hill.
Oddity: He was selected over Shaquille O'Neal for the only collegiate spot on the 1992 Dream Team, which seems a wee bit silly in retrospect.

2. J.J. Redick (2002-06)
Résumé: Two-time All-America selection (2004, '05); No. 11 selection in the 2006 NBA draft (Orlando).
Why he's hated: Redick is one of the cockiest Dukies, and his frequent game-winning heroics deflated opposing fans throughout the ACC.
Oddity: Redick thinks he's a poet, but we tend to disagree.

3. Steve Wojciechowski (1994-98)
Résumé: National defensive player of the year (1998).
Why he's hated: Did someone say floor slapping? Yep. It's the floor slapping. There is no getting around the fact that it was seriously aggravating. Plus …
Oddity: Can you imagine Wojo getting into LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony about playing defense? It happened at the Team USA workouts this past summer. Result: a pride-swelling bronze medal at the world championships.

4. Chris Collins (1993-96)
Résumé: Duke assistant since 2001; first-team All-ACC freshman ('93); second-team All-ACC ('96).
Why he's hated: Collins, son of former NBA player and coach Doug Collins, will be remembered for his overcelebrations after making shots. As with Wojo, his return as an assistant coach has boosted his shelf life indefinitely.
Oddity: How did the WNBA Detroit Shock ever let him get away? (He was an assistant in 1998.)

5. Brian Davis (1988-92)
Résumé: All-ACC tournament (1992); team captain ('92).
Why he's hated: Close friend of Laettner's -- more than enough reason to be ranked this high.
Oddity: He and Laettner are part of a group that paid $33 million for D.C. United, the MLS franchise. And we thought Mike Krzyzewski prepared his players to make wise decisions in the real world.

6. Mike Krzyzewski (head coach, 1980-present)

Floor slapping prepares young men for the real world -- not just for basketball.

Résumé: Enshrined in the Basketball Hall of Fame in 2001; 775 career victories (702 at Duke); three national championships and 10 Final Four appearances.
Why he's hated: The perception of him being smug disguised as being serious; recruiting inroads disguised as commercial endorsements; success -- no matter your alma mater, he probably has defeated it at some point.
Oddities: The coincidental timing of his leave of absence (exhaustion, back injury) and a 2-14 ACC record under Pete Gaudet in 1995 … the alleged rat resemblance … the whole episode of discussions with the Lakers.

7. Danny Ferry (1985-89)
Résumé: Naismith Award winner (1989); two-time All-America selection (1988, '89); No. 2 overall pick in 1989 NBA draft (Los Angeles Clippers).
Why he's hated: For breaking the barrier of no Krzyzewski pupils winning an NBA championship ring (San Antonio, 2003).
Oddity: A Krzyzewski pupil has won an NBA championship ring?!?!?

8. Bobby Hurley (1989-93)
Résumé: Two-time All-America selection (1992, '93); No. 7 overall pick in the 1993 NBA draft (Sacramento).
Why he's hated: He looks like someone you could take to the cleaners in a pickup game, but wound up becoming the NCAA career assists leader.
Oddity: Dead ringer for Emilio Estevez.

9. Shavlik Randolph (2002-05)
Résumé: Entered the NBA draft with a year of eligibility remaining, only to go undrafted.
Why he's hated: Bitter feelings still remain over the recruiting battle for his collegiate services. He spurned NC State, where he was a ball boy as a kid and his grandfather was an All-American in the 1950s.
Oddity: The amount of publicity his "Don't bring your gayness on me" comments generated. Ummm. This is Shav Randolph -- he of seven career NBA starts. More wisdom and insight from Shav can be found here.

10. Gerald Henderson (2006-present)
Résumé: Son of former NBA player of same name; possesses sharp elbows.
Why he's hated: No. 10 with a bullet … even if you live in a cave, we figure you've seen the clip from Sunday's game.
Oddity: That Coach K used the Isiah Thomas excuse of the opponent keeping its starters in the game long after the outcome was decided.

Honorable mention:

Grant Hill, Elton Brand, Jay Williams: They brought an air of coolness to a predominantly dorky program, temporarily making it more difficult to make fun of the team.

Quin Snyder: It's somewhat ironic that a three-time All-ACC academic team selection ultimately was accused of academic fraud as coach of Missouri. Did we mention the hair?

Greg Paulus and Josh McRoberts: Only time will tell, but these guys are off to a brilliant start in the hated department.

Corey Maggette and William Avery: We hardly knew ye, and we barely had a chance to hate ye.

Mike Dunleavy Jr.: He earned All-America honors in 2002 and occasionally caused temporary blindness in spectators with his severe whiteness.

Eric Meek: Prototypical awkward, nerdy Dukie.

Mark Alarie, Tommy Amaker and Johnny Dawkins: This group helped return Duke to glory with a Final Four trip in 1986. Without the groundbreaking work of this trio, none of the subsequent decades of hatred would have been possible. Thanks, fellas.

Shane Battier: Our memories are apparently too short. We initially omitted him from the list, but many of you were kind enough to point out that he might have flopped once or twice over the years.

Does Turnipblog's Background Look Blue?

I recently talked to a turnipblog reader and asked my why I picked blue as the background color for Turnipblog posts and for the side bar.

I told him that the background color of Turnipblog is white. I told him that it must be some setting on his computer, but he insisted.

Please leave a comment and tell me what color the background is on Turnipblog on your computer.

Disney World Kid Tips - Food

1. Food in the parks is expensive.

2. You can carry a backpack or cooler into any Disney World park and no one cares. Disney employees look through your bags when you enter the parks, but they don't care about food.

3. If you got a little kid that will get tired walking around all day, bring or rent a stroller and you can put an insulated bag in it. Fill this bag with stuff like wipes drinks and snacks.

4. Buy small ziplock's before you go to Disneyworld and fill them with snacks when you go to the parks.

5. Bring all your own drinks. Cokes, juice boxes and bottled water. Freeze a few bottled waters and use them to keep everything else cool. By the end of the day, they will have melted and you can drink them as cool refreshing water. There are water fountains around the parks where you can refilll water bottles.

6. We carried PBJ and BLT sandwiches into Animal Kingdom for lunch.

7. One night I grilled chicken at the condo. Next day, box of triscuits with peperoni, block of cheese, and tub of chicken salad at MGM for lunch.

8. MGM - Buy food and carry it in to Fantasmic.

9. Magic Kingdom - Starlight cafe in futureworld is the place to get burgers, chicken sandwiches or chicken fingers, fries, and salads.

10. Epcot - You should eat dinner at least once at world showcase where booze is served.

Bonus Tip - I know you plan on going out to eat one night after you leave the parks.

Forget it.

Get the kids back to the room and feed them ASAP because this is what they will look like 10 minutes after you get back to the room.

Space News - New View of Saturn's Rings

Right now, as has been documented on Turnipblog, Nasa's Cassini spacecraft is orbiting Saturn and studying saturn and its many moons. ( link)

Check out this top down veiw of Saturn and its rings, where Saturn's shadow stretches completely across the rings, taken on Jan. 19, 2007 and released March 1. It's a natural-color view taken from about 764,000 miles (1.2 million kilometer) away. Credit: NASA/JPL/Space Science Institute